Yes Christmas is nearly here again and so is the loneliest time of the year for some

“Is Christmas here already?” Yes it is.  “It’s not that time of the year again is it?” I’m afraid it is.  “I’m not ready for Christmas yet, this year has gone way too fast.” Neither am I, yes it has, now can we all move on because talking about is not going to hold Rudolph and his gang back whether we like it or not.

Let’s just accept that next week is December and all the good and bad of this month are on their way back.

The stress levels are going to increase gradually as the chore list mounts up. The tensions will inevitably grow as we make contact with family we may not always get along with but must attempt to suddenly work together as a team to create one happy, loving family day around a decorated tree.

Everywhere you turn there’s going to be a symbol of Christmas that insinuates this is a time of only goodwill and a whole lot of cheer, but let’s face it, that’s not necessarily the case.  In fact, ever thought that that pretty little tinsel thing make not always brighten up someone’s day?

Christmas can be one of the loneliest days of the year for many people and I think we should stop complaining “oh crap, it’s that time of year” and spare a thought for those that have really good reasons to seriously dread the month and everything it brings with it.

Basically, all those lovely happy commercials you see on television of the two parents, a couple of kids and a grandparent or two, doesn’t exist for some people in the world and many of us rarely give them a thought.  We’re too busy whizzing around town from party to party, ticking things off our list.

Imagine sitting at home feeling the energy of the world celebrating and rejoicing when you know the only person thinking of you might well be yourself?  I hate to say it but in a very painful way Christmas is like having your nose rubbed in everyone else’s fortunate place and then having it wrenched away again by an invisible force that whispers in your ear on the way out ‘looks good doesn’t it but that’s not for you. You don’t have anyone to do all this with.’

 

How sad do you imagine this could be?  Would you not rather have Auntie Faye testing your patience than waking up on the day with nowhere to go?  With the world celebrating the joy of giving while you feel like the only one that didn’t receive?

It’s any wonder people with drinking problems end up cranking it up over Christmas and New Year periods when the loneliness kicks in.  I wish everyone could experience loneliness just once at some point in their lives because it’s a feeling that isn’t always easy to explain.

I’m not embarrassed to say I have felt the difference between depression and loneliness and they really are distinctively different in how they make you feel.

Loneliness is about as low as you can get.  It’s hard not to take personally when you feel that the world is operating on some sort of network that you just can’t get in to.  There’s all sorts of reasons that one can find themselves lonely so it’s not always easy to promote warnings that can keep us mindful of falling into its trap.

I’ve mentioned this before, but I think it’s worth reminding at this December lead up time that having experienced loneliness and depression both myself at different times, that I felt that depression is debilitating, but loneliness is soul destroying. They’re separate, have a different voice, neither of which you would ever want to hear.

We should just be mindful of how lucky we are if we have somewhere to go on Christmas Day and if someone buys us a gift.  There will be those in our community that will spend all those key moments and each special holiday day,  completely and utterly alone, waking up with absolutely no one.

HAVE YOU EXPERIENCED LONELINESS?  EXPLAIN HOW IT FEELS SO OTHERS CAN TRY TO EMPATHISE…x


28 thoughts on “Yes Christmas is nearly here again and so is the loneliest time of the year for some

  1. From my beautiful friend Nan Witcomb (author of The Thoughts Of Nanushka) – see http://users.senet.com.au/~nanushka – you can buy her books here too.

    Your ‘look after the lonely’ article was really beautiful . Found 2 ‘Thoughts’ which could have
    accompanied it.There are others but I didn’t have time to look. It is so hot today, bugger everything
    I should be doing – I’m off to the beach!!

    When loneliness becomes a deafening bell,
    so loud, the world will cover up its ears –
    when your heart cries out for a friendly voice,
    and your mind could drown in half forgotten tears –
    You scream in silence for an answer to your call’
    and in the empty echo of your mind,
    you know that you are human after all –
    and that is consolation of a kind …… from Vol.1V of T of N.

    or this one – which I could well have written personally for you !!

    When the world is at its worst
    and the darkest side shows through –
    when fear burns into hate
    and greed obscures the view –
    When no-one seems to care,
    the Autumn winds grow cold,
    the old don’t understand,
    the young despise the old
    When life keeps turning grey,
    I need my rainbow’s end
    or a patch of blue
    where the sun shines through –
    I need you, my friend …….. from Vol.X of Tof N oh, & here’s another one.

    Haunted by my fears –
    a thousand demons
    fighting for my mind
    ’til reason and reality
    became my enemy
    and no-one was my friend –
    you took my hand
    and gently led me
    from the nightmare –
    you made me understand
    I simply had to learn
    to love myself again – from VoL.XV of T of N. This would have been the best one I think !

  2. Amber, The boys down the pub think that your article about you
    admitting to being lonley and depressed made us very concerned. We
    know that Happiness is not a fact it is a frame of mind so we think
    that a person like you should be non stop and not one for dwelling on
    the negatives. The rear view mirror on your car is small and your
    windscreen very large. The same proportions you look forward in life
    to how much you look back. If you think positive EVERY day you will
    be amazed at how many daily rewards you will receive and how happy you
    will be. Cheers from ‘The Boys’.

  3. to Marc
    Hi Marc – please reassure the boys down the pub…bless them, wish I was there…that I am by no means lonely or depressed now but I was when I first arrived to SA for lots of reasons. Most of them were probably my own fault but whatever it was, I went through it and know how it feels. But thankfully I am far from lonely now and before that time never thought I’d be the type to become lonely either. Situations creep up on people, especially the elderly. So please tell the boys down the pub I love them and give them a huge squeeze from me.xx

  4. Many people are lonely even when surrounded with family and friends ..That is I guess a different kind of loneliness but still painful. maybe after a life changing event or a loss of a loved one … So we need to just take a few minutes out of our day …In fact out of everyday … Just to be kind to everyone .. who knows how much a simple act of kindness can impact on another persons day ..

    • SO TRUE Lynda. Even people that are married or have people around them can feel lonely. It’s kind of a sense of being disconnected to people that is the real loneliness. I agree too it just takes one little act or smile, or phone call, or whatever to just make someone feel like you’ve seen them. Or you’ve considered them. I am so thankful I’ve briefly felt that feeling of loneliness because I would never have realised what it truly felt like and how strong it is. We also just need to think more about our elderly people full stop. Thanks for your comment and happy Christmas to you.x

  5. Emma Patersonposted toAmber Petty
    5 hours ago near Woodville, South Australia via mobile
    Amber- what a brilliant article in todays advertiser…. Such a powerful message that loneliness in times of happy cheer can be soul destroying…. No happy ad on tv, no xmas carols playing in the shops, no amount of love shared by others can take away the feeling of being alone in your own company…. A great reminder just like the blues brothers song “Everybody needs somebody”… Thank you for ur insight xxx
    Like ·

    Amber Petty Thank you Emma.!! I just thought it was timely before all of us with families and places to go start stressing about how many places we have to be and people we have to connect with that for alot of people all this time leading to Xmas is a constant reminder of how alone they are and how society can forget them. It makes me really sad actually. So thank so much for ‘getting it’.xx
    3 hours ago · Like · 1

  6. Donna Newton i have open house for our ” orphan” associates every xmas…. we always have a house full of people with no one to celebrate with but me ans my family… its always a wonderful day sharing our food and love.
    2 hours ago via mobile · Unlike · 1

    Eddie Lapko Love your articles Amber……..you always get me thinking…….
    about an hour ago · Unlike · 1

    Amber Petty Thank you Eddie you lovely person. You’re obviously one of the kind ones out there.x
    about a minute ago · Like

    Amber Petty And Donna, good on you!!!!!!!!! I bet your Christmas days are just beautiful because of it too.xx

  7. I struggle with loneliness quite a bit – even though I have a loving family around me. I have been battling severe depression for some time now, due in part to having been diagnosed with cancer a number of years ago (but I should add here that I’ve beaten it) but also due to having been assaulted quite violently on the job just over 12 months ago (I am a nurse).

    Whilst I’ve been getting the right help, it has been a particularly diffucult journey and I have felt scared, guilty, isolated and alone many times. It’s like being imprisoned behind a glass pane where people are right there in front of you but you cannot reach them.

    Christmas doesn’t help quell the feelings of loneliness and isolation – rather, for me, it exacerbates it. I wish it could be different but, just now, it is what it is…

    • Oh darling, you poor, poor bugger. That’s a lot of stuff to process so I can see why the depression has been an issue. And when you’re dealing with so many major things like that it’s also understandible that you would feel disconnected and lonely from the rest of the world at times. I can’t suggest strongly enough that perhaps you go and have a chat with the amazing people at the Adelaide Healing Energy Centre in Prospect Road, Prospect. They are literally life savers. I have spent many hours there having counselling and energetic healing and it would literally not be rid of all my pain, including depression if they hadn’t help shift alot of stuff for me and also help me to really join the dots that got me to where I was then. They’re not too expensive either. ?x

  8. achel Tucker I work as a care worker for people with mental and physical disabilities and sadly many of them spend Christmas alone.but they do get the pleasure of my company (even if it is only for an hour)to prepare their meals etc as I’m working most if the day.i better get my singing voice warmed up so I can sing them carols lol!
    11 hours ago via mobile · Like

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