Finally the boys have more layers, are behaving more like we do, yet it seems we’re still not quite happy, and left feeling even more confused.
Have we created a bigger monster for ourselves, because now the are boys ‘seemingly less basic’, we’re actually not getting where they’re coming from anymore. And they’re getting mixed messages about what we really want.
If they’re ‘too nice’ or ‘too in touch’ with their feminine side, then we often see them as weak or not enough of a man. If they start carrying on about things that are usually on our list of ‘things to remember to carry on about’ then we think they’ve gone mad!
So when my Mr Anon, comes out of nowhere carrying on like a pork chop about how I haven’t noticed his new haircut, and I didn’t talk to him enough about how I spent my weekend, I’m initially shocked.
When he’s pushing for commitment, I want to know what the reason is for the rush? He’s suddenly speaking my language, so why am I running for the hills?
After praying for a few moments that he’s just trying to be funny, I soon realise he was not. Now, because I’ve heard all this stuff before, possibly from me, or at least my fellow female friends, I know he just needs a little attention, so why am I thinking, “what on earth IS he going on about?”
Then a friend mentions to me that one of her girlfriends was seeing a guy, and was delighted, or so she thought, when he insisted that he wanted to take things slowly, claiming, “I just want to get to know you, let’s not rush into sex!” “Jackpot!” she thought to herself, “I’ve landed a good one.”
When things finally ran their natural course, and they ended up in the bedroom, she realised that focusing on ‘friendship’ was probably an excuse for the fact there was an ‘issue’ in the bedroom. But because we now think we’ve done such a good job on changing the average bloke, we’re left feeling confused, when our assumptions were wrong.
Just because we’ve got more guys listening, doesn’t mean we’ve re-wired their hormones so that they don’t instinctively want to have sex. It doesn’t mean because he’s spooning you on the couch, watching The Notebook that he’s not thinking about sex!
If he’s seriously not wanting to have sex, then history may indicate, there’s possibly another problem.
Until a few years ago, I was right into the new ‘spiritual guy’. That was until I realised that even these guys, are not suddenly going to be Buddha, just because they like ‘reiki’ like me.
Simply because he enjoys something that in the past didn’t fall under the ‘blokes bloke’ banner, we girls seem to think he’s the perfect catch. Sure they might be lighting a few candles, and burning a bit of incense, but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t think like a man.
Don’t be fooled by the Chinese symbols on his bed sheets, because that doesn’t mean he doesn’t want to get you in between them by the time his Enya CD runs out.
I hear girls say how important it is that her guy is really close with his mum, as that apparently means he’s going to understand women. Why then are so many left complaining that this very relationship, is what’s tearing them apart? “He’s still a mummy’s boy! Not enough of a man!”
Perhaps life was actually easier when we both agreed to disagree on how we see aspects of life? Maybe when we complained that men are too basic, we should have stopped trying to mould them into something we now can’t quite read?