I can’t help but wonder whether us women have gone too far in our quest to change men! Get them more in touch with their feminine side; start thinking more like we do

Finally the boys have more layers, are behaving more like we do, yet it seems we’re still not quite happy, and left feeling even more confused.

Have we created a bigger monster for ourselves, because now the are boys ‘seemingly less basic’, we’re actually not getting where they’re coming from anymore.  And they’re getting mixed messages about what we really want.

If they’re ‘too nice’ or ‘too in touch’ with their feminine side, then we often see them as weak or not enough of a man. If they start carrying on about things that are usually on our list of ‘things to remember to carry on about’ then we think they’ve gone mad!

So when my Mr Anon, comes out of nowhere carrying on like a pork chop about how I haven’t noticed his new haircut, and I didn’t talk to him enough about how I spent my weekend, I’m initially shocked.

When he’s pushing for commitment, I want to know what the reason is for the rush?  He’s suddenly speaking my language, so why am I running for the hills?

After praying for a few moments that he’s just trying to be funny, I soon realise he was not.  Now, because I’ve heard all this stuff before, possibly from me, or at least my fellow female friends, I know he just needs a little attention, so why am I thinking,  “what on earth IS he going on about?”

Then a friend mentions to me that one of her girlfriends was seeing a guy, and was delighted, or so she thought, when he insisted that he wanted to take things slowly, claiming, “I just want to get to know you, let’s not rush into sex!”  “Jackpot!” she thought to herself, “I’ve landed a good one.”

When things finally ran their natural course, and they ended up in the bedroom, she realised that focusing on ‘friendship’ was probably an excuse for the fact there was an ‘issue’ in the bedroom.  But because we now think we’ve done such a good job on changing the average bloke, we’re left feeling confused, when our assumptions were wrong.

Just because we’ve got more guys listening, doesn’t mean we’ve re-wired their hormones so that they don’t instinctively want to have sex. It doesn’t mean because he’s spooning you on the couch, watching The Notebook that he’s not thinking about sex!

If he’s seriously not wanting to have sex, then history may indicate, there’s possibly another problem.

Until a few years ago, I was right into the new ‘spiritual guy’.  That was until I realised that even these guys, are not suddenly going to be Buddha, just because they like ‘reiki’ like me.

Simply because he enjoys something that in the past didn’t fall under the ‘blokes bloke’ banner, we girls seem to think he’s the perfect catch.  Sure they might be lighting a few candles, and burning a bit of incense, but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t think like a man.

Don’t be fooled by the Chinese symbols on his bed sheets, because that doesn’t mean he doesn’t want to get you in between them by the time his Enya CD runs out.

I hear girls say how important it is that her guy is really close with his mum, as that apparently means he’s going to understand women.  Why then are so many left complaining that this very relationship, is what’s tearing them apart?  “He’s still a mummy’s boy! Not enough of a man!”

Perhaps life was actually easier when we both agreed to disagree on how we see aspects of life?  Maybe when we complained that men are too basic, we should have stopped trying to mould them into something we now can’t quite read?


    • ha, ha………..I actually like Enya. And I have a whole heap of similar cds next to my bed that I play at night to chill me out. I’m actually the hippie nut when it comes down to it

  1. Amber, you women, think that you want the soft feminine male, to listen to your girly stuff, but you all know that in bed you want a man who will take you, as soon as you let him. Who will treat you like a real women, once your in a private place. Otherwise you wouldn’t want a man at all, but another girl. No man wants to listen to Enya, but will put up with it to get the prize, and if you are that prize he won’t need another women, and you both will be satisfied, and reach fulfillment in the relationship.

  2. well I think everyone is confused and we all need to get back to basics.we are trying to be “wonder women” and men are trying to be a mix of “batman and robin”. talk, listen,explore, laugh lots and have fun.!!!!!

  3. I’ll tell you who’s good to listen to for a chill-out, you hippie nut… suss out a guy called Rosario DeMarco, and his album called “United World Music”. Very chill-out-ey 🙂

  4. Its simple, men just want to have sex and endless amounts of it, we will lie and pretend we like anything you do just so we can sleep with you. No guys out there really like anything chicks do or talk about its all rubbish, but we lie to sleep with you. I find that if u create some false fantastical fictional story about your life, ie add significant bells and whistles then its really easy to pick up.
    These metrosexuals that dress and do everything like the television says really worry me, ladies these guys are not men, but completely womanised blokes, the do and copy anything they are told…Just brainwashed little office bitches.
    To me a real man is one who doesnt care what people think, will stand up for his convictions and has respect for all people mostly including women. BUT WILL STILL LIES TO HAVE SEX..
    The thing is with women, they just want money and that is all money = stabile home for woman and children, the more money u have the better quality woman u receive. The high level of divorce ( financial reasons stated) is evidence of this.
    It seems these days anyway a guy has to be set up in a prefesisonal job, look like model, own at least one house, drive a decent expensive car that looks cool, have a TV like social life etc etc etc. AND if you cant provide this bang the girl runs to the next guy who can. SO we are all forced into this life, we men are suckers we have no choice to be anything but materialistic if we want a decent girl.
    The main problem is the western media the ideolody and the pure lies in which it pushes apon us.
    How the media has convinced our population to illegilally invade other countries and then that its ok to murder their citizens(who we call terrorists) so we can steal their natural resources. Their greedy materialistic culture has removed our satisfaction with the simple things in life. All women are focused apon is having this glamourous life like the movies, no one is prepaired to wait for anything decent no more.
    This is the main problem these aspects of society, the end result changing us as people, making us greedy, materialistic, selfish and self centered closed minded individuals, people have changed not for the better either. I thinks these are the aspects which make relationships difficult and more challenging these days.

  5. Seriously though ladies, you don’t want the old school strong minded aggressive(at the right time, never hit a lady ever period) man who will protect you, care for you and romanticise you like they did in the olden days.
    You wanted the weak submissive meterosexual man who is like you, watches the gay tv shows, wears make up, dresses like and acts like the TV, has smaller arms than you, spends hundreds at the hairdresser, etc etc etc
    you got your weak submissive man ladies and your still complaining, WTF!!!!! seriously

  6. Hi Amber,
    I found your entry a bit confusing. It sounds like you’re saying you want a man that doesn’t want to have sex. But then you realised that if he doesn’t want to have sex, he’s got a problem? Does it offend women that a guy may feel desire for a woman at any given time? Is it that you feel that the man’s new ‘feminine’ style of behaviours are just the latest seduction technique?
    Doesn’t it all come down to whether you feel you can love and be loved by this man? And start a new life together? And can’t that love allow you to find the balance between hormones and celibacy?

    • Happy Birthday Roy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! No, you’re right, it should not offend us that he wants to have sex with us all the time. I guess it’s just that we do need to know that he wants to do other things too. Like get to know us. But then of course, if he wants to get to know us for so long that we’re now ok to have sex and he’s not showing any interest….we get paranoid. It’s all very confusing sometimes. But really it shouldn’t be. Maybe we make it that way…haha Enjoy being 40

  7. Folks, the basic rules are this:

    In the “Saving Wicked Women” manual it says to never give a woman what she wants because she wants EVERYTHING and she wants it NOW. If you do, she will never respect you for it. Give a woman what she needs . . . . which is to be a protector & provider (not necessarily monetarily speaking – although IN GENERAL men may be basic, this is more than adequately matched by women’s materialism) and to be someone with whom she can have her babies with, i.e. father material. These 2 things can be mutually exclusive (15% of kids in the UK are cuckoos and paternity testing is on the rise).

    I really believe that, as men and women, we have fogotten to appreciate each other’s strengths and tolerate each others weaknessess.

  8. P.S. Postscript to John. There is some credibility to what you say. I heard an expression the other day where a woman was looking for the 5 “C’s” in a man, namely –

    1. Career
    2. Cash
    3. Credit
    4. Car
    5. Condominium

    Where the hell did humour and morals, amongst the other qualities that WILL stand the test of time, go . . . . ?

    • That’s all I want – humour and morals………..you really think it’s that easy to find both Mark???? It’s obviously been a long time since you dated men. ha ha

  9. Me, I have always been attracted to the macho, muscled, tattood tough guy. Or the dirty mechanic. This is looks wise. Whenever I meet someone however, who I am attracted to, their appearance usually matches their appearance…rough and wild. I understand girls wanting to have a sensitive man, someone who understands you. BUT thats what our girlfriends are for. To an extent. You have to find a medium. A manly man, who undertsands but has balls. That is all. Lol

  10. Dated men! Yuck. Amber, how could you . . . (hehe). Women have, and will continue to have, the lumps and bumps in all the right places as far as I’m concerned!!!!

    Speaking as a man, I am awake enough to know that a pretty face isn’t everything (vogue on the outside normally equals vague on the inside). I love humour and cheekiness in a woman – a stirrer but in a positive sense. Morals? If you’re really in touch with yourself then, as Confucius says, “you practice what you preace, and preace according to your practice”.

    And Melissa, what you’re looking for is what we call “The Sensitive Viking”. Unfortunately, we’re (ha!) few and far between. Mr Right is a myth, but Mr AlmostrightandhasmostofthequalitiesIwantinaman is everywhere. You just have to open your eyes . . .

  11. I totally agree Amber humour and morals combined would make a great man, not the 5 C’s. C’mon surely most women out there are not that shallow?, well not any i know…i’m with you there though most of the guys i have found to be really funny, have not had decent morals,
    quite the opposite..They are out there though Amber – they just haven’t found us yet. 🙂 They will.
    Just wanted to let you know that i always listened to the radio in the mornings and was devastated when i heard you where leaving the show. Happy to still have you here and even happier to have come across your blogg. Happy 40th and you have inspired me to have a 40th birthday in a few years time. Love the life maids idea.

    • Hello lovely Christina, I tell you what, there must be something in the air, because just recently I’ve started meeting quite a few really gorgeous men, who appear to be sane, and have good morals, and be funny. That has not happened for years…. And I’m not complaining I might add. And thank you so much for your lovely mention about listening to me etc. Lovely to have you here.xx

  12. Sounds promising Amber, i will look out for them…gorgoeus too…bonus!..i think i’m looking in the wrong places….
    I totally agree with Don, you are a very special person 🙂
    Take care for now. xo

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