What I hope next year might bring, and more importantly, whom I hope it will not bring – anymore.
A few years back, working as a columnist for New Idea magazine, it became a bit of an office joke, that my dear mother would take it upon herself to send me a copy of the current week’s issue, and give what she thought was some helpful feedback.
It was unofficially titled the ‘Beverley Brown Dot Awards’, and it involved my mother – possibly having a tad too much time on her hands – taking to the magazine with those little round, coloured stickers you get in a roll.
In this instance, my mother would have a roll of green dots, which represented all things good and fabulous, and then the dreaded brown one’s, which indicated something, or someone ‘no good’, whom in her eyes should not have made it to print.
To quote said mum, “they should never to be on any future guest lists.”
As the magazine arrived in the mail, there would be a post-it note attached to the cover, which explained how her system worked.
I won’t mention which famous WAG, received three of those next to her poor head, but let’s just say if she learned how to smile, she may have received only one.
She was never asked to be a Contributing Editor, strangely enough, but it did provide some funny moments, as we went through to see who’d made the Beverley cut (untold green dots to Princess Mary and Nicole Kidman), and who’d sadly copped her wrath.
So it with this, slightly ridiculous ‘brown dot’ system, (unrecognised by any governing body, now or ever), that I would like to outline, who, I feel, 2011 would do well to talk alot less about.
First ‘brown dot’ goes to Miss Lara Bingle. Now, of course yes I acknowledge that Miss Bingle looks great in a leather mini, yes she went out with a superstar cricketer, and yes knows how to work those pearly whites, but is it not time to retire on Bingle Watch?
When she appeared in the Australian tourism ad, with that famously unflattering line, “SO WHERE THE BLOODY HELL ARE YOU?”, we didn’t mean, where the bloody hell are you, every flipping day Lara?
I wish her all the best, but I’m fine to be out of the loop.
Second ‘brown dot’, goes to boofhead Brendan Fevola. Yes our sporting nation loves a story involving footy players making a dogs dinner of themselves, but do we need the same dish served up quite so much?
Wouldn’t it be more novel to read a story where Fev’s gone out for the night and done absolutely nothing wrong? Perhaps even accompanied with a quote from a Behavioural Expert saying “We really cannot explain what didn’t go wrong?”
More ‘brown dots’ on hearing anymore about Angelina and Jennifer Aniston hating each other’s guts. I’m pretty sure that mega rich, fairly hot Jen’s got a busy enough schedule that she’s not sitting around going “how do I wipe that smile off Brangelina’s face?”
It also wouldn’t leave a gaping hole in my life if Kevin Rudd didn’t make the news. I can’t help but think that he’s like the kid at school that told us his dad was an astronaut, only to find out he a plumber.
No disrespect meant to this trade, but there may be fewer dads’ dropping the kids to school, and then heading off to Mars.
And rather than admitting, “Ok, I might have made that up to win friends”, he continues to try and save face, by rolling up the next day and saying, “OK, would you believe, CIA spy?”
As I said, this system is not going to knock Wiki leaks out of the press, but let’s clear some space next year for some stories, we possibly, haven’t heard.
WHO WOULD YOU RETIRE FROM THE SPOTLIGHT FOR 2011?