A million years ago, while working at Sportsgirl, I noticed the way guys would come into the store with their girlfriends and sort of carry on like it was there first day at kindy.
As their partners headed into the change rooms, trying to make eye contact with the boys to actually try and make them comfortable was a bit like trying to get Julian Assange on a plane to Sweden.
I men, did they think I was going to shout, “Get out you disgusting perve! No we don’t realise your partner is in the change room, we think you’re just here”?
After this weekend however, my blokey squirm spotting hobby got taken to a whole new level, whilst at a conference called I CAN DO IT, hosted by Hay House publishing.
Hay House publishing is home of some of the best selling authors in the world, although because they are often grouped under the banner of ‘self help’, a genre title in need of a serious make-over, it tends to make a lot of blokes, run for the hills.
Not to say there were no men at this conference, there were. There were the ones who are evolved enough to understand the benefits to opening themselves up to a bit of life wisdom, although even some of these were noticably slunk down in their seats.
Or those there to support their partners because they’ve either arrived in a symbolic head lock, or they can’t deny the improvement in those they love from whatever is being said.
The thing is, I cannot wait for the day when more blokes work out these things are not just for women and stop feeling like they’re in that dream where you suddenly work out you’re out you’re in public, totally nude.
I never thought I’d say this, but ‘guys, you’re over thinking it.’
Absolutely classic case of this was in one of the lunchtime breaks. I got chatting to a really fun girl about the previous speakers, and for the record, we were having a good old laugh at whatever it was, when I noticed her partner doing the old squirm routine. Trying to break the ice and include him, I said in a way that could be taken whichever way he pleased, I said “So are you having a great day?”
Reacting as if I’d somehow let him off some sort of hook by possibly implying it might be tough for him being there, he rolled his eyes and said “the problem is, she seems to think when I’m at home and I’m not speaking, there’s something wrong. Most of the time there’s not, I’m literally thinking about nothing.”
At the ripe old age of 42 as I am now, I will say I believe this man state of occasional ‘nothing’ is a serious bloody gift.
Loosening up he shared that the worst imaginable thing had happened when leaving the auditorium for the first break he locked eyes with someone that left him a momentarily paralysed. His Regional Branch Manager was also there.
“Oh my god, how terrifying!” I laughed. “So this guy has been secretly empowering himself and maybe even trying to do it to you? Thank goodness, you found out before it was too late.”
Seriously the way he described it, sounded like he’d been busted coming out of a gay sauna.
There was a collective sigh of male relief, as Collingwood star Harry O’Brien made a surprise visit. He shared an inspiring story about his life, and thanked ‘a legend that’s helped me a lot’, author Neale Donald Walsche while introducing him on stage.
As the football star and the author had a bit of a hug , I thought see guys, these things are not just for the girls. Yes you can do it too and no one’s going to judge you. So stop judging yourselves!
IS YOUR BLOKE A SPIRITUAL SQUIRMER OR IS HE OPEN AND PROUD? OR IS HE REALLY THINKING ‘ABSOLUTELY NOTHING’?