Good news everyone!  There’s apparently another option out to online dating, and this one is backed by the lady who sets up Millionaire’s in LA.  It’s the one and only, bitch from hell, Patti Stanger.   Please note, I mean this in the nicest way.  I think.

Patti Stanger for those that haven’t stumbled across her top lip yet, and let me tell you, it’s easy to do as it gets bigger every episode of her hit series, The Millionaire Matchmaker – is a 5th generation family of matchmakers. How do I know that tidbit?  She tells you at the start of every episode which airs Wednesday at 9.30pm on Arena (Foxtel).

It’s the greatest show every…well I think so anyway.  She basically runs this agency in LA, and each week she gets to know two new narcisstic millionaires who are looking for a trophy….sorry, their one true love.

Patti then organizes what she’ll call as an audition, but what’s basically a cattle call of women with tight lycra dresses and perfect spray tans.  Although don’t get Patti wrong like I did when interviewing her earlier in the year, these girls are NOT gold diggers.

“So you say that your girls are not gold diggers but how can that be when they have come to you to meet a millionaire?” I enquired.  “Well I’m telling you they’re not!”  “But how can you believe that? They know they’re getting a millionaire?” Not happy Patti is usually the one’s asking questions so this didn’t go well, “I think you’re being very antagonistic! And I don’t like it”, she says.

“Well Patti, I’m just asking you how you can guarantee these girls aren’t gold diggers when they come to you wanting to date a millionaire!  You haven’t got any carpenters on your books Patti!”

And basically this sort of sequence just went back and forth with both of us realizing we, together, were definitely not a match.  That’s ok though cause I wasn’t trying to date a millionaire, and I have no doubts, that Patti IS one.

Anyway, that said, I LOVE HER.  She’s feisty, she’s tough and she’s highly entertaining.

What the hell is the great news I mentioned earlier?  Well, she’s apparently a partner in a dating site called and yes it’s open to us Aussie’s too.

Now, what’s different about this dating site is that it goes into all sorts of depth about your history and your ‘inner child’ type stuff.  It even colour codes you so that it can match you with the right guy or girl, and not the one’s that just aren’t right.

And who knows, not only might you meet someone that has been paired up with you based on a bit more than ‘he likes walks on the beach’, and all that other crap, he might be one of Patti’s millionaire off casts.  Although, she’d never tell you that, cause apparently she’s always right.

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There’s nothing like making yourself feel old and ordinary than spending a day surrounded by Adelaide’s hottest young girls!  I know this for a fact as I spent last Saturday down at Rundle Mall hosting the auditions for Australia’s Next Top Model!  As they trotted up in droves, most of them wearing denim shorts that were so small that one girl stood up and appeared to have what some would call a wedgie, only of the frontal kind!

As I stood there admiring what a good looking bunch of women we have here in Adelaide, I couldn’t help but feel that there was something not so beautiful about young girls pinning so much hope on whether or not they were deemed ‘model material’ and wondering how many would leave that day with more than a few confidence issues?  Oh well, I thought, at least they’re not sitting at home flicking through the pages of Girlfriend magazine and thinking, “Why can’t that be me?” because presumably, all those assembled thought, “yeah, that is me!”

Australia’s Next Top Model judges Charlotte Dawson and Lizzie Leighton Clark from Priscilla’s Model Management were on hand, to cull the herd! You have to hand it to Charlotte, as she politely job of found 250 fresh ways of saying “don’t call us we’ll call you!” Not only that but she’d only just got her voice back after doing the same in Sydney, Melbourne and Bendigo for their auditions!

In between watching our girls strutting back and forth up the stage, she was having to endure calls from interstate journalists all wanting an explanation as to why they believed, after reading an interview Charlotte had done regarding the competition where the journalist had made out she’d said that ‘plus size models’ didn’t stand a chance in the competition! For the record Charlotte said, “realistically, they may not win!”

Proving how ugly the business of modelling can be, even for those such as herself working behind the scenes, she was berated ferociously by one particular interviewer who accused her of having ‘no business’ to make comment on the beauty industry given she had had so much botox and collagen that she was ‘too hideous’ to make comment!

Proving that Charlotte’s own days of being a successful model, and no doubt having had to deal with plenty of ‘not so pretty’ situations, she shot back at this awful woman by yelling “But I’m not trying to be Australia’s Next Top Model!”

During a quick lunchbreak, I sat shovelling a salad, rather than a preferred hamburger into my mouth, alongside Lizzie from Priscilla’s, a 15-year-old girl by the name of Britney Dudley (watch this name cause I predict she may win the competition), politely interrupted our lunch by enquiring, “excuse me? Am I too late to audition?” As I looked up, possibly letting salad fall from my mouth, standing before me was the most ‘breath-taking’ girl I’d ever seen!  As the ‘cool’ drained from my body, I tried to speak but no words came out! Instead I found myself embarrassingly paralysed by her beauty, and all I could do was prod Lizzie in the arm, and like a Neanderthal grunted at her to speak to this girl, IMMEDIATELY.

Thankfully for this beautiful girl, she accompanied by mother who seemed down to earth, and even bewildered by the reaction to her daughter, who until recently was working as a check-out chick at Woollies!

Another mother, daughter duo turned heads that day for slightly different reasons! Both mum and daughter, who appeared to be no older than maybe 17, seemed to be sporting matching boob jobs! Not going unnoticed by the film crew, who scrambled to get footage of what no doubt will make the promo, but not so much the contest!

I felt a little sad for the young girl! She didn’t make it that day, and you have to hope that she’s not pinning all her hopes on her surgically enhanced chest, or at least if she is, that the rejection will hopefully bounce right off?