There is no way known I have the stomach nor the interest in writing anything remotely deep or political in this particular weekly column. Without even bothering to mention why, I’m pretty sure many Australians are dying to take a week off from having to anticipate Monday’s ‘lose-lose battle’
So now it’s time to discuss things that will not change anyone’s world, and may or may not give you a giggle. One thing’s for sure, my recent Internet discovery should definitely be filed under POLITICALLY in CORRECT.
You may or may not be of the opinion that those who’ve worked their way towards becoming uber-famous, then when they get there, and find a long lens camera pointed at them as they leave the gym sweating like a pig, should have little reason to complain.
And you may nor may not be of the opinion that if you decide to date another majorly famous person and then want to whip into the supermarket sans make up for a carton of milk, then it’s the right of the rest of the world to see if finally you have moments that look just like ours.
But when it comes to celebrities having children, should the rules change in order to protect these innocent kids from a potentially tortured life that was brought on them by their parent’s careers?
Not according to one such anonymous blogger, that I am ashamed to say, really did float my shallow boat last week.
If there was to be any hierarchy in the scheme of celebrity kids, let’s face it Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes daughter ’ Suri is the reigning miniature Princess of Tinsletown Tots.
The thing is, she’s not just the offspring of two hugely famous people, she’s the only biological daughter of a man that has words like genius, bizarre and terrifying follow him round wherever he does, as well as the odd screaming Indian fan who may or may not be on the books. So it’s any wonder Suri, thanks to Daddy Dearest (paid actor), gets followed around like she’s done something, too.
Clomping around in a pair of gold high heels as early as two years old, and swinging around a ladies handbag as the norm, has of course garnered her further attention. One wonders how this interesting, famous little girl already sees the world? Expensively I’d presume.
As such, it shouldn’t be that surprising, although it still is, and it was when I discovered with amusement, that Suri Cruise at age five, has her own blog. It’s called SURI’S BURN BOOK.
In essence, this blog is ‘a study in Suri and those people that disappoint her’.
And through reading the many posts made by this little diva, it would appear her father Tom Cruise holds the number one position on that front. Although she also has a clear disdain for most other celebrity children that don’t happen to be….um…well, her.
In a post accompanied by a photo of Victoria Beckham and new baby Harper, Suri writes: Is it my birthday? When I first saw this, I thought it was some Perez Hilton project, but no. Ladies and gentlemen, Harper Beckham threw up on herself yesterday. HOW EMBARRASSING. The only thing more mortifying than being seen with Tom Cruise is publicly vomiting while barefoot. Gosh, I hope Baby Harper is okay! Meanwhile, I can barely contain my glee.
A photo showing Angelina Jolie’s son, wielding a toy gun? Suri muses: Pax, the enigma of the Jolie-Pitt family, aimed a (likely toy) gun at the paparazzi while out shopping yesterday. I’m sure this family is as committed to nonviolence as the rest of the hippies in Hollywood — and Pax’s name literally translates to “Peace,” after all — but it’s hard not to notice that this is the first thing that’s made Angelina Jolie smile in about six years.
Ok so maybe this isn’t the real Suri Cruise behind this particular blog but in a week or so that has been filled with so much of Australia’s time being wasted with a pointless political punch up, wasting a little bit more with a politically in-correct piece here and there, surely isn’t going to do too much harm?
And really, I’m just surprised I found it and Tom’s lawyers haven’t. Not yet, anyway.
MUSINGS FROM THE BOOK OF SURI
- Reports of my toy store temper tantrum are greatly exaggerated. Yes, I teared up. But it was only because the display of polar bears was accompanied by truly heartbreaking information on the plight of polar bears and their natural habitats due to global warming. It was certainly not because Katie tried to act like I wasn’t going home with a Swarovski-encrusted wristwatch. I would never do that.
- Us Weekly has a story up on their website right now claiming that Victoria Beckham went on a $645 shopping spree for Baby Harper. $645? I don’t consider a shopping trip a “spree” until American Express has called to verify charges.
Also, if you ask my opinion, that little dress isn’t going to do Harper’s shapeless body any favors.
- Here is Kevin “Weird Arms” Federline coaching his son Sean Preston’s little league game. I have a healthy distaste for sneakers and getting dirty, so playing baseball isn’t for me. Also, I would rather eat the dirt on the field than be “coached” by my father. The chef in our luxury box at Dodgers Stadium makes an amazing duck confit, though.
- Just because you don’t have a Ferragamo handbag, doesn’t mean you can behave like a child. (I’m looking at you Shiloh)