At the time I was a little fed up with being put on the spot about when my boyfriend and I were going to start a family.
As I said back then, and I’ll re-enforce now, it’s none of anyone’s business to ask this and why can’t people be a little more thoughtful in case those you’re turning the interrogation light on, may not in fact be able to conceive.
It seems staggeringly simple to me.
An interestingly angle on this issue popped up in my close-knit circle of friends recently. We’ll call my friend Sarah for privacy, who has long had it in her head that when she ‘grew up’ she never wanted to become what she saw as ‘the suburban dream’. Meaning she wanted to create a career life for herself rather than settling down and just raising the kids.
We all have our thing, and for her, avoiding what she never aspired to be, was something she was committed to.
I sensed that she was a little ‘raw’ a couple of years back when I accidently suggested that she needed to find a little more work, life balance. She snapped back dramatically ‘oh seriously, not you as well?’
I soon sensed what she really meant was everyone was hasselling her to pull back on her career in order to start a family. Or at least that was her take.
When she told me she was pregnant a couple of months ago, in the most round about of ways god love her, she then warned ‘I don’t really want to talk about it just yet. I’m still getting my head around the whole thing.’
As you may have suspected, it wasn’t a planned thing. A little divine intervention I’d say and I have no doubts at all that despite her reservations, she will be a really beautiful mother.
But it has been funny at times, and a bit uncomfortable as well to witness this chapter unfold. The uncomfortable, not knowing when to mention it, and the funny beginning with our trip last weekend to a store called MOTHERCARE.
Like two fish out of water, we headed in to find some sort of bra that was going to hold her now E-cup breasts in. Leading the way, my friend wafted past the Maternity wear and grumbled ‘See? See, what they expect you to wear?’
Then while we both stood in front of a sea of bras and knickers, that to the untrained maternal eye, looked about as confusing as being handed a model aero plane set and being expected to know what to do next.
Thank goodness for the Mothercare assistant who explained the 400 options of what each can do for your boobs although it was a little overwhelming, and don’t get me started on the knickers.
That night we head off to dinner with old friends, and literally within minutes of our bums hitting the leather booth seats, Mr. Friend shouts across to Sarah, ‘so what’s happening, when are you guys starting a family?’
Now although you’d think that once you’re safely pregnant, this question from a friend might be ok, but actually, now it was worse, because actually here again was this ‘type’, and here she was now having to pretend that she was all gushing and glowing about impending motherhood.
Suppressing her frown and flush, she volleyed back, ‘actually I am pregnant, but I’m still working through the transition in my head. It’s not something we planned.’ Pin drop anyone? Mrs. Friend, a mother of three, could no longer look at Sarah whilst squirming in her seat.
However it’s not difficult, just because we’re women doesn’t mean we’re all instantly maternal. It’s seems to be ‘normal’ for blokes to struggle with the baby bond sometimes, but if you’re a woman? No deal. And it certainly doesn’t mean my friend and others won’t make sensational mothers. It just means the fear of losing a life that you love, can slow the transition into loving and embracing your new one, before it comes along.