Is it dishonest to enter into a relationship with the idea that you are going to change or fix them?

Making Over Our Partners
Changing the Way We Relate

by Madisyn Taylor from the fabulous DailyOm.com

It is dishonest to enter into a relationship with the idea that you are going to change or fix them.

A relationship, in the truest sense of the word, means relating to another. Usually when we say that we relate to someone, it is because we’ve found common ground. But part of relating is finding ways to make ideas that seem different come together. So often when we choose relationships, we try to fit another person into our predetermined ideal. When they don’t fit perfectly, we may try to make them over, creating our own vision from the raw material they’ve brought. But unless someone asks for guidance and direction, entering into a relationship with someone we want to change is dishonest. Then our relationship becomes with someone we’ve imagined, and anytime our partner steps outside of that imaginary projection, we will be disappointed. An honest relationship is one in which we accept each other as whole individuals, and find a way to share our life experiences together. Then, whenever we want, we can choose as a couple to give the relationship a makeover by renewing the ! way we interact.

By wanting to give another person a makeover, we are basically saying we don’t accept them for who they are. If we take a moment to imagine the roles reversed, we can get a sense of how it would feel if our beloved only committed to us because they thought we were, or would become, someone else entirely. In such an environment, we are not relating to each other from a real place, and we are keeping ourselves from being able to learn and grow from the different viewpoints that our partners offer.

If we feel that a change is needed in our relationship, the only makeover that we truly have the power to make is on ourselves. By accepting our partners for exactly who they are—the ideal and the not-so-ideal—we will create an energetic shift in our relationships, and we may find ourselves really appreciating our partners for the first time. Working from within, we determine how we relate to the people and the world around us, and when we can accept it and embrace it all, without conditions, we make every act of relating a positive one.

do you think it’s realistic to try and change someone and make it work?  do you agree with this that you should accept the good and the bad in your partner if that’s what you signed up for?

13 thoughts on “Is it dishonest to enter into a relationship with the idea that you are going to change or fix them?

  1. Great article! I often share with ladies to beware of falling in love with potential 🙂 thanks for sharing xx

  2. Falling in love with the idea of the person or the idea of love……that old chestnut. I’ve had many a man fall in love with the IDEA of me, and I know I’ve done the same back many times before. But I think a lot of women certainly think they’re doing the guy a favour by trying to change him..and sometimes I agree…..they might need a bit of growing up but if the guy isn’t open to it or fights it, then have the brains to back off and assess is the issue about them, or actually about you? Time to move on maybe…..

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