Last year I did something that quite frankly left me feeling just a tad repulsed and extremely self conscious.  I had a colonic irrigation.  I kept hearing how amazing it would make me feel after the humiliation and discomfort faded from my memory.  Apparently I would even lose weight and my skin would glow like never before.  I figured if I could spend a night tottering around in my most fabulous and crippling shoes, how painful could this be?

According to Rae Morris, top Aussie make up artist, “the ‘colonic’ is a model’s secret weapon.  They have them regularly, because they make them look and feel amazing.”  Fantastic I thought to myself, finally I’ve cracked their code.  So far taking a photo in to the hairdresser of Jennifer Aniston expecting to leave looking like her twin, hadn’t quite panned out as I’d hoped.

On a less superficial side however, thinking that I could clear my system out of all the crap I’ve jammed in it all year, as a health option also sounded pretty enticing.  The procedure I’ll admit, is hard to throw a positive spin on, as it involves a hose being placed in your rear end, and a whole heap of water being pumped in and out, over the course of an hour or so.  Not everyone’s cup of tea I found out, and “never again” I heard myself mutter as I left my third appointment.

Did it make me feel lighter?  I guess so.  Didn’t it make me lose weight?  I don’t think so, but it did make me feel mentally like I’d got rid of some unwanted ‘crap’ that may have been holding me back over the years.

Towards the end of last year however, I discovered by accident, a different way of getting rid of toxic waste, and stuff that had been holding me back in my pursuit towards living a healthier, happier life!  I discovered what I now call, the ‘social irrigation’.

A ‘social irrigation’ is essentially getting rid of the toxic people in your life that are no longer good for your health!  I realized that as I put one foot forward, certain people, often unintentionally, were putting me two steps back.   I got to a point where I had to ask myself why it was I was holding onto these friends, when it was becoming very clear that something in my gut was telling me ‘this no longer feels right’.

I noticed that some of my more recently formed friendships made me feel lighter, more positive, and sat better in my stomach, because I was attracted to them based on the person I am today, and not the person I was back then.  The friends we make for instance back at school are often formed because of the similarities we share.  Where we went to school, did they live close by, do we laugh at the same jokes?

When we’re older, what we need in our friendships is often totally different to what we needed in the past. As we get older we enjoy different activities, need different medications and even dress differently, and really the same at some point goes for our relationships.

An extreme version of the ‘social irrigation’ for example, would have to be my mother who many years ago, found out that her de-facto husband, had been cheating on her with her friend.  She went through her address book and liquid papered out every person she felt had known about the affair and not told her.  By flushing out those people in her life that she didn’t trust, allowed her to move forward rather than being bogged down by doubt.

Just like the old colonic irrigation, the social version may be really uncomfortable and unpleasant at the time, leaving you feeling a sense of grief and loss. But the great news is once you’ve lost the weight you’ll have even more energy for the people that you know feel good.


  1. How very true this is. I found myself in this exact situation at the beginning of the year, minus the clonic irigation… I thought long and hard through the hurt, questiong and sole searching along with the what is wrong with me or what have I done that is making me feel this way. This then lead me to the next part of my life and that was why put into someone else when they are not willing to give 1/8th of what I was giving and making me question and feel bad about myself. Amber please never stop putting yourself out there, your wisdom and ability to say and put into words what so many of us need to hear is worth more than anyone could ever ask for….xx

  2. While I was having a colonic a few weeks ago, I read a article (amazing that I could even concentrate 🙂 about
    the clarity you feel after having them. Also how you will experience improved digestion, skin tone and increased energy. The article also noted the Greek word melancholia means quite literally black bile..

    • I can totally understand that it must do all those things but I hated the experience so much I couldn’t bear going through it even for those factors. I was told….although I can’t remember by who….that I might also feel a bit depressed after…reason being that because I’d lost stuff inside me…that pyschologically, I might be grieving the loss of something. Now that I write it down, it sounds completely nuts. So let’s just forget I said it. haha.x

  3. Never more true words have been spoken !!
    I will try and dig up some very very wise words that someone once gave to me when I was in desperate need of this particular kind of irrigation.
    Love your work Amber !

  4. Hi Amber
    I had this problem after a 25 year friendship. This girl was always being negative towards me, did not seem happy if anything went my way and she didnt like any of my other friends either. It would make it difficult to have other people around to socialise if she was there as her mood could make or break an evening.
    She always reminded me of that old nursery rhyme – when she was good, she was very very good and when she was bad, she was horrid. I put up with a lot of this behaviour because she was my best friend and I loved her and also her kids. I saw the good side of her, she only let a few people see that – we were as close as two girlfriends could be for 25 years – we did everything together as a family. My albums are full of her and home movies etc. She could be funny and charming and fun to be around, especially in the early years of our friendship.
    Over the years there were a few instances where I would tell her that something she did was not right and we would always sort it out. I watched as she alienated many friends that she made through out the years and also family members, particularly her husbands family. According to her, the problem always sat with the other person.
    It was getting worse and worse and our friendship was cracking – then my Son told me he was gay and the things she said at this time were it for me – particularly as she is his godmother – she showed no support – nothing – I felt anger for her like never before – the old ‘don’t mess with the mother lion’ kicked in!
    I had a lunch with her and told her what I thought and walked out – that was 5 years ago. I was very upset for well over 12 months about the friendship – I think it is close to what a divorce would be like. I cried over her, but then I gathered up all our photos and put them away and all the gifts that she had brought me over the years – they went to charity. I have a lot of other close friends too so I wasn’t lonely. Most of my friends all told me that they only tolerated her because of me – it was like I inflicted her on lots of other people.I couldn’t really talk about the loss to many people as they couldnt understand why I would miss her in the first place, and my husband was so glad she was out of our lives but he didnt understand the loss I felt.
    Anyway 5 years on I dont think of her as often – I still have loads of close friends and my life is definately better without her in it – as painfull as it all was at the time.


    • Oh Deb, yes I get all those feelings. The horrid anxiety after you say goodbye to them, and finally about a year later, you thank god you let them go. The way I see it, is if a friend now makes me feel anxious, or I have to tippy toe around them rather than be honest then they’re not right for me. Life quite literally is too short. There are so many beautiful people in the world that these toxic people do not deserve to take the place and time of those that make you feel good. And alot of the time, these old friendships get worse and worse as those people get older. Their issues, which are what make them so awful at times, don’t go away, and they don’t get better, they get worse. They like family can do, think they can treat you like shit cause you’ll always be there and that’s simply not the case. There should always be respect in friendship and family…when that is lost, then so is the relationship really. Also those people who have known us for a long time try to play the same games and press the same buttons with us that they’ve been doing for years. It’s a comfortable place for them when they can play these games with us. They don’t want us to be happier, or more confident cause they don’t know how to communicate with us anymore. And bottom line is, they don’t get their ‘bitch fix’, so they don’t know what to do. I’m glad you ditched her. And I’m glad I ditched mine. xx

  5. That is so insightful and so true. Isn’t it amazing when you look back you realise how much crap you have put up with, and how uncomfortable these people have made you feel at times, when you have had to defend their actions to your other friends. Keep up the Blogs Amber it good to be able to keep in touch with what you’re up to.

  6. Folks, Stephanie Dowrick’s book “Forgiveness and other Acts of Love” calls these people narcissists. A very spiritual friend of mine calls them “emotional vampires” and she suggests you visualise a mirror in front of you when you speak with them, i.e. all their negative energies get reflected right back at them!

    We all know what they’re like. After 30mins of conversation you’re totally emotionally drained, and they’re asking, “I’m fine now, what’s wrong with you . . . “.

    Learn to recognise them and practice the social colonic with them as quickly as you can!!!

  7. Hi Amber, from one girl who loves her dogs to another, can you maybe do a blog on Puppy Farms so many people read your blog and you can get the word out, i have emailed so many pollies on this and although i can see they have read it by the reciept no one replies it is just so heartbreaking and sad. All dogs deserve to have a happy life like ours thanks Amber and Happy Birthday btw thanks so much Taryn

  8. Hello Amber,
    You know i like to think that your shit dont stink, so i’ll lean a little bit closer and see the roses really smell like you you you, the roses really smell like you you you. Think Caroline gets an attractive glow too, think my fear right now is that im the only 1 who doesnt, now im totally confused, but you do some really excellent writing thank you. Surely im not the only 1 who rarely bothers to comment hey and so what if i enjoy more than the occasional ciggy. Anyway you spamheads give me the shits and i will never be good enough for you EVER!!!!

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