LEARNING FROM BURNING, HOW TO MAKE A BREAK UP WORTH IT

I recently went through another break up and as thankfully is the case in my life these days, I very quickly get to the point of “what did I learn from that?” and “what is not my truth?”

What I mean by that is that in every situation I think in life, you have to be careful about what you take personally.  Because often what we take personally is more about what the other person wanted you to think, in order for them to depart feeling ok.

And when I say, them departing ‘ok’, I mean, thinking that they’ve got away with you none the wiser of their issue that came out to play.

So, my relationship two people back, I learnt that I still had a fair dose of sabotage in me.  Something that had always been there, and something that I was thankfully aware was there, but when getting close again after some time, it reared it’s ugly head.

But rather than take the time that is wasted to ‘think’ that that was all that was the issue, I realized that it was only ‘one’ issue.  The other was his ‘stuff’.

When we first got together, I saw a photo of him on facebook, holding a playing card up of Princess Ariel.  With the words under it “my girlfriend”.

He looked cute, that was my first thought.  But the second was that thought that just sits there.  Sits there and in hindsight, is noted but not understood what it then meant.

Further down the track, with more time spent with this young man, as is often the occasion with a relationship with me, he didn’t like my analyzing myself, or even worse, him.  And I get that, but I do believe that I do it now, and at this time, in a way that isn’t necessarily attacking, but more as the joy of getting close, and uncovering the ‘stuff’.  The ‘stuff’ being what has previously perhaps got in the way.

He was very, very close with his mum, and she was just divine.  It was hard not to see that their relationship could ever be an issue at the time.

And then one night, yes which to most people will sound odd, I guess cause it was, he said he wanted to watch a Disney movie.  My “let’s give him a go, thank god he’s not a boofhead”, said “Ok, why not?”

Until further down the line, when he was due to come and stay with me, as him lived overseas, he informed me, in a very blaise way, that his mother would be coming, not just for a time, but for the whole time.

I quizzed him why he hadn’t discussed it with me, but he tried to make out that I was being unkind to his beautiful mother.

Initially I felt conflicted.  “Was I being a bitch?  I know how close they are. And her and I have become close too?”

Not too longer after, with his insinuations that he was off buying rings, and wanting us to go the whole way, we had another conversation that I was hoping would be two people fine tuning where we were at.

He said to me, “I had a personalty profile done at work today.”  I said “oh yes, and what did they say?”  He said “they said that I see things like a Disney movie, and when it doesn’t go ‘that’ way, I get very disappointed.”

I said, and remembering my moment with his Princess Arial playing card, “And do you see that that might be a little strange?  Do you want me to be Princess Arial?”

He said “Well, what’s wrong with that?  Life doesn’t need to be confusing.”

My response?  “Well. Life is not a Disney movie, and I am not Princess Arial.”

I realized at that moment, that I was dating a man that wanted to be a boy. He was never going to do things without his mum, and he sure as hell wasn’t going to ever think he’d met Princess Arial.

Moral of the story?  Take note of the small things.  Those moments when you sit……and realise something has been ‘logged’, are usually the moments where you come back and realise “that was the point.”.

WHAT DID YOU LEARN FROM YOUR EX?  AND WHAT DO YOU THINK HE LEARNT FROM YOU?

11 thoughts on “LEARNING FROM BURNING, HOW TO MAKE A BREAK UP WORTH IT

  1. That was a very interesting observation of a previous boyfriend 🙂 I have recently retreated from a relationship because the condition was that we get married. Now I understand that can be very important to many people, however, if it is something that is not in my grain of thinking or being, is it something I should participate in to make my partner happy? Sometimes I believe people have this fantasy of how they have to be together in life. I mean, if marriage was not introduced into society surely it would be adequate to say we are “partners”. I hope that one day I meet that person where we are just natural and at one with each other without having to have a “fantasy” on either side that potentially can hinder a relationship. Mila – searching for a partner in life!

    • Hi Mila – I couldn’t agree more with what you did. I find it a bit concerning when one person wants the marriage and the other doesn’t. I know it can have negative and positives on both sides….I sort of feel a bit like the person pushing for it might deep down not be satisfied OR they as you said, have this fantasy idea that the relationship will be safer once they’re married, or for whatever reason, it’s kind of ‘make or break’ moment and if everything was flowing completely well on both sides, then why push a change. Love really isn’t easy is it? It’s a perplexing issue. But I do know that my greatest challenge is the one of self love, so until I completely nail that, I’m not so sure I should expect the perfect partner just yet. Thanks for sharing. xx

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