Note: I received a private email from a convicted paedophile in regards to this column. He believes that I was unfair to expect that an abuser knows when they first abuse that what they are doing is wrong. Much like a drink or gambling addict. Let me know your thoughts below?
I made a fairly off coloured joke a few weeks back to a friend when talking about a course I was leaving, to do in the beautiful Uluru.
I told her I was off to “find myself”, as part of this spiritual development course, to which she replied, “Wow, you’re brave, opening that door!”
Having explained that from my understanding, of what was part of the course, we’d be looking into our personal history, and our family, to learn how these factors had influenced our life.
So I said, “Yeah, well who knows, I might found out I’d been sexually abused…?.”
I startled myself, as making light of such a thing was certainly not my style.
However, I think subconsciously, I was fearing the worst. After all, we hear these things can be blocked out.
Thankfully, that was not the case. I did find out things that won’t go on my CV, or have printed on a t-shirt, but just stuff we all own.
The startling thing to me, being someone that has participated in many self-development courses, is that whenever I have, I find myself wondering why so many people have had their childhoods taken away? Like just under half, belong to this tragic group.
What I’m saying is, I was not sexually abused as a child. But you’d feel sick, if you knew the numbers of those out there who have been.
I thank whatever god is out there, that that is not part of my story. I’m sure some will say “oh yeah, she’s probably doing those ‘nut job’ courses”. The one’s for damaged people on a soul-searching journey.
Spiritual and self-development courses aren’t necessarily for people that have been abused, or have suffered trauma throughout their life. They’re attended by people who simply want a better life, and are committed enough to do the work that’s needed to get one.
I wasn’t sure how to communicate this here as a social commentary piece, but I guess I just feel that I needed to say that people that abuse young kids (often one’s that they know), are usually not the one’s we see reported on national TV. Cause most don’t get caught.
They’re the one’s you work with. One’s you see as loving family members. And one’s that know themselves what they do, or have done, is totally wrong!
From what I’ve seen, and heard, the victims are left with a legacy that goes on for their whole lives. I’ve seen them sit there and tell their stories, and so far, not one has turned their abuser in. They just wanted to block it out and forget.
It only takes one incident, that you as the abuser, may never fathom at the time, robs them of what should have been a life on their own terms.
I felt the need to use this column to say that if you know you have an issue, or ‘perceived need’, that in an open forum would be deemed unforgiveable, that you can still make a choice.
A person that has the guts to put their hand up, to a confidential ‘professional’ and say, “help me, there’s something not right”, should know that they’re still being brave. Dismiss judgment, and embrace intuition.
And in doing so, this might ease the fear of eventually ending up on your deathbed wondering if you’re going straight to hell.
I could be totally naïve here to think that there must be those, that don’t fully understand why they do what they do to young children, but their conscious tells them it’s not right? Not for all, but for some.
I’m sure in many cases, although this will infuriate some, that you honestly feel pure love for the children you choose to abuse, but are too weak to stop yourselves before it’s too late?
If you could sit in the sessions I’ve sat in, and see how your actions destroy another’s self worth, from a deep soul level, and hear the guttural tears that they cry –the type when someone dies – you’d see that their tears are for them.
Because when you touched them, a part of them did die.
DO YOU BELIEVE THAT ABUSERS ARE ALWAYS AWARE THAT THEY’RE ACTIONS ARE WRONG? OR ARE THEY MENTALLY INCAPACITATED AS A CHRONIC GAMBLER MIGHT BE