A couple of years ago I wrote here about my little trip to The Hamptons in the US.  The whole ‘I went to The Hamptons’ for a holiday still makes me giggle.  It felt then, as it still does now, like being on the set of a delightful B-Grade American movie, where everyone’s kind of gorgeous and looking like they’ve just fallen out of a Ralph Lauren commercial.  Which many of them probably have.

There’s just not that many places in the world that have that effect on you and when I think about it, a lot of movies I grew up watching were either filmed in The Hamptons or made some sort of reference to it.  And then along came Sex In The City, and once again, back we went.

And now, here I am in the middle of our Aussie summer, in a place called Verbier in Switzerland.  Yet again having to pinch myself to believe I’m here and that I’m now surrounded in what looks like some sort of magical Disney movie.

In fact, it’s like Disney on Ice, the real story. Any minute now I’m expecting Snow White or a talking squirrel to bail me up and ask me for directions where I would politely explain I’m not from these parts, but you are.

Ok, so, I don’t mean this to be a big fat, ‘look at me, look at me’ festival, but among many wondrous moments I’m having right now, the glarlng one, requiring some serious UV goggle,  is that it has finally come to my attention, that I as a woman have really stuffed one major thing in my life.

I have gone raging like a bull through life with the attitude that I never want to rely on a bloke for too much.  The combination of feisty Leo and coming from divorced parents has played a fair part in coming to this rather one eyed mentality, and it has therefore shaped a fair chunk of my life, in ways that have   steered me towards good experiences I might have never had,  and away from others maybe I should have had.

The reason for my discovering, was quite organic, as rather than do what most other people do when they holiday in Verbier, which may result in leaving with a skiing injury, I arrived in town with one.

Not actually from a skiing injury I’ll admit, more the result of a mid air pirouette that lacked planning upon the descent., leaving me with a severely sprained and bruised left foot, and a slightly red face and a tiny bit of sweat moustache.

Those boring details aside, I hobbled into this beautiful snow capped town and by default became the ‘damsel in distress’.  And suddenly, all these lovely men want to help.

They don’t know I never actually planned to ski,  but the pure fact that clearly I’m hurt, and they assume I must be devastated I can’t ski, is enough to almost stop traffic.  Certainly a couple of ski mobiles anyway.

And I have to admit, I like it.  Why the hell have I been so busy in my life trying to appear that I don’t want any help?  Why have I feared so much that a man doing things for me meant that somehow he would think he owned me?

A friend’s been telling me for awhile that men need to feel they have something to do when it comes to women otherwise they feel inadequate or don’t know their place.  I have suspected through recent experience that she may in fact be right.

So here I am, with this attractive soufflé style foot, wrapped in a bandage bought by one lovely gentleman.  Having my bags carried by another, and gorgeous strangers approaching me enquiring if I’m doing ok.

I’m not even begrudging admitting; the ‘damsel in distress’ routine feels alright.

I’m actually loving it so much I’m tempted to do a black run and hope for the worst.  Or at least lie at the bottom of it weeping ‘SHITTTTTTT, sorry….excuse me, for heaven’s sakes…..please sir, would you be kind enough to help me?’



  1. No Amber i’m right there with you. I have no idea where or when I decided that it was to my benefit that I take on everything myself. Oh no I dont need your help I can do this myself, and fix this myself and blah blah blah. For years I thought i was doing myself and the men in my life a favour by being this independent amazon. To the point I had no idea how to let go and allow someone else to help in some minor way. Decades later and i’m still the same. It’s weird that, you think you are doing the right thing and really its not the right thing, it’s not the wrong thing – what the hell!!! Argh!. Help I need saving and not a snow flake or a mere male in sight.

    I love that youre loving it!

    • Oh Lynne you really made me giggle. Thank GOD I’m not the only paranoid ‘i can do it for myself’ freak. And yes I’ve always thought I was sooooo smart not giving in to anyone… And now? Well, I still think I’m
      smart…although not at all where it comes to men and relationships. It’s all so hard. 2012 is now about saying YES sure, I’d love your help!!!! In fact, here’s a small list of chores I prepared earlier. Sorry, did I say small…….? Thanks for letting me know I’m not alone. X

  2. Women search consciously or unconsciously for protection and security. Men search consciously or unconsciously to provide and protect.
    Somehow from the day when someone burnt that bra till today,we have confused it as a sign of weakness rather than a courage of knowing who we are and sharing that with those we meet.
    Male and Female energies are different and required and were created to enjoy the intensity when they join and become whole.
    Regards, vince

  3. Hi Amber!
    I liked your article and I think maybe this is a look on modern society whereby strong women like yourself feel that letting a man take control of any element of her life is in fact a sign of weakness but it isn’t. You are right that actually men also need to feel like they are wanted and needed by the woman in their life otherwise they feel a bit lost. So then we are at odds with modern woman and what she expects of us. In fact the very realisation that a woman wants a man to be part of her life, and that she has let her guard down helps a man feel secure in his relationship. So go on, the next time you meet a man who catches your eye, or you find yourself thinking about for no particualr reason, let him in…open up, let them see you with your defences down and you will find that they want to be part of your life, they will feel just as wanted by you, and then you might just find yourself sitting at the table looking over at Mr Right x

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