iCONFESS, iSLAGGED THE iPHONE and iPAD AND NOW iHAVE BOTH

I’ve recently made a realisation about myself that I can’t work out is a good or bad thing.

Through more than just a handful of dots being joined, I’ve come to the conclusion that when I initially despise something, quite often those very things, become something I fall in love with.

Of course there are always exceptions to any rule or theory which is why I’m not panicking too much that I’ll end up married (first tick), to Brendan Fevola (second tick), watching infomercials (third tick) whilst thawing out the chicken to cook Fev a nice roast for ‘tea’ (fourth tick).

But just like I did with Facebook precisely seven years ago, banging on with “why in gods name do I need to offer another way to invade my privacy?” I buckled, and fell in love.

Like I did with the iphone, as my colleague gazed lovingly at it each morning, desperately wanting to share how wonderful his new device was, I stared back with my ‘bulldog chewing a wasp’ contorted face, and whined, “Please shut up about it, I’m not one of your type.”

Yet I have one now. And I’m not proud to say, but it is my friend, and it’s helped me out since we met, in more ways than many of my family members have done over 40 odd years.

And yes, it could be true; that I’ve woken up and rolled over to my ifriend, and it’s been the first thing I reach for. Not a lover’s hand, not my puppy’s soft head, but my darling iPhone.

But my heart tells me that I didn’t truly sell out because I’m still not interested in those types that want to share their favourite new ‘app’ with me. Sorry, but playing ‘paper toss’ on my phone, isn’t exactly going to make me an enlightened being. Nor is an app going to help pay my bills!

So last year when the famous Apple iPad hit the market, and suddenly I’m hearing about it right up next to people being killed in the Afghanistan, my blood started to boil.

“How on earth does Apple expect me to believe, that now that I’ve got the bloody iPhone, (and recently purchased Mac book) that I need an iPhone on steroids, that appears to do everything the iPhone does, except make a flipping call? Do I look dumb?”

Yes I was on high alert and I was not going down, as I could see others doing, without a very good fight.

“Can’t you see what Apple are trying to do? They’re brainwashing the world!” I cried out. Seemingly intelligent people are now thinking they can’t live without this stupid thing, and why am I the only one that can see it?

And then in a move that I didn’t seem coming, my boyfriend presented me with an iPad for Christmas.

“Oh…… sweety….., wow. An iPad! I’ve always ‘wondered’ what it’d be like to have one.” Ok, so clearly I had to be nice, but the truth was, I could feel a major ‘buckle’ coming on.

Being the techno whizz that I am, it took me two months to turn it on.

Like the birth of a new child, I looked down at it’s little face., cradled in my hands, and felt a rush of hope that our future might be brighter than the one I’d wished for it, upon it’s conception.

Buckle Alert! When it comes to those bleeping ‘app’s’, how can I ignore an app called ‘Period Cracker’ shared by a friend, that warns her 4 days out that the emotional train has left the station?

“I used to destroy my family for at least a whole night not knowing why, before I found the ‘period’ app, which I now use to warn my husband, so he can batten down the hatches.”

So perhaps I’ll start with just one. The way I see it, it might ensure I still have a boyfriend to buy me a gift next year.