EVER SUSPECTED YOU'RE DATING A NARCISSIST? OR HAVE IN THE PAST?

I’ve already expressed my disdain for Channel Ten’s breakfast show host Paul Henry, and I can’t say I’ve exactly softened, however I did watch him this morning, and I found myself strangely feeling a touch of envy for the Kiwi export that reminds me a lot of Chucky.

With all the subtlety of his doppelganger wielding an axe in Child’s Play, Ten’s brekkie host couldn’t help but remind viewers on Bastille Day that he hated the French.  In fact he re-enforced it at least quatre times!

He then introduced the latest Masterchef contestant leaving the kitchen by saying how utterly embarrassing and awful it must have been for her given she was all the way over in Italy and then had to travel back to Australia, with the ‘winners’, her clearly being ‘the loser’, and then asks her if she was shoved up the back of the plane because no one wanted to know her anymore?

He does this a lot.  He introduces a guest by slapping them in the face, then grinning, “Chew on that.”

What struck me this particular morning was that there was a man on a high profile but so far low rating show,  unknown by many of the country’s viewing public, knowing the media love pointing out its’ waning audience numbers, but by golly this guy still seems to be genuinely having a ripper of a time.

He’s happily playing the Captain of a sinking ship and doesn’t seem to care less what people think.  And mind you, I have little doubt he is winning over a select type in our community, picture the ones bashing away on their circa‘84 Dell computers, blogging hateful bile about all sorts of stuff worth moving on from.

Or when they’re not at their desks, they’re out picking a face to face fight with some poor customer service type bugger.

But seriously how nice would it be to have the confidence of a Paul Henry?

Out there in the big, wide world, there are those battling through life because of conscious or un-conscious low self esteem, and then there are those that have probably turned their damage into a gift by being so hardened that no one’s opinions are ever going to stick.

Although I’m always a little suspicious of the latter, as I have dated a series of narcissists, which fits this sort of bill, and believe me they’re far scarier than Chucky.

They’re like cockroaches in a nuclear disaster; they’ll explode into your life before you even see them coming and while all the particles that once resembled your life are still floating in the air, sensing controlling you is no longer a given, they’ll disappear as fast as they arrived.

You’ll be left shattered, confused and temporarily deeply damaged. For those of you wondering if you’re currently with one, or to make sure you see them coming, Google a brilliant article by Melanie Tonia Evan, Narcissistic Abuse – The Truth.

So……how to get a bullet proof spirit without turning into a narcissist? That is the question.

Sadly women are the worst at getting this right as they’re programmed from an early age to believe that everyone else must come first, especially if they’re a mum.

Author Cheryl Richardson was even booed when she first appeared on Oprah after suggesting women make should make themselves Number # 1 for the sake of their children.  The concept did not go down well.

Her book The Art Of Extreme Self Care poses lifestyle questions and offers tips that are easy to write off if you’re running a busy household and attached to wearing the martyr hat, but as my friend told me sadly that his child had told another mother that his wife, the mother of his child,  “gets really angry a lot”, I can’t help but feel if more women replaced just one thing in their week that was about them, they wouldn’t be feeling like the Bride Of Chucky so much of the time.

DO YOU SUSPECT YOU’VE DATED A NARCISSIST?  PLEASE SHARE YOUR STORY WITH OTHERS IF YOU FEEL COMFORTABLE.

18 thoughts on “EVER SUSPECTED YOU'RE DATING A NARCISSIST? OR HAVE IN THE PAST?

  1. Sathya Barelds Valid point you make at the end there Ms Petty, well done.
    8 minutes ago · Like

  2. Reply from Amber Petty ‘If I’m honest, I think this column is a little all over the shop….a bit like Chucky’s face, and I was hoping I wouldn’t get boo’ed by too many of the same mum’s that boo’ed Cheryl……her book/CD spells out the concept really well, and it comes from a good place for all. Maybe I was also just looking for a reason to involve Chucky and his wife. They don’t get enough attention and respect!!!!!!!! hahaha love them’
    2 minutes ago • Like

  3. Sathya Barelds Haha yes there were quite a few topics in there that I’m not sure how they all related but somehow it flowed, and worked for me. Who’s Cheryl?
    53 seconds ago • Like

  4. Amber I agree with you (about martyrs & Paul Henry) I have two sayings I live by.
    1) If you don’t look after yourself, your health will suffer, it’s hard to be a good wife, mother, friend or other when you aren’t functioning well.
    2) Feed your soul. 1 thing a week fir ten minutes, maybe it’s a bath & book, or talking a walk or digging in the garden, but for the sake or your sanity & the health of your family MAKE the time to feed your soul (applies to everyone really not just us Mums)

    Ps I’m a business owner & mum of 3 with health issues, if I can do it anyone can!

    • Oh good lord, YES if you can do it anyone can……..that’s an ENORMOUS amount of things to be juggling and to give your energy to. I’m so glad you wrote because you completely get where I’m coming from. I actually think my train of thought was almost drifting as I was writing so it did kind of wind down a path and then end up about MUm’s making themselves first – but it’s a much bigger topic than what I EVENTUALLY covered…. But yeah, it’s like taking your car for a service isn’t it? If you don’t put yourself on your TO DO list, you are going to make your life hard and undoubtedly the lives of those around you, even just a bit of the time. Louise Hay said something I was listening to the other day – or someone like her, they said that it was important to start taking care of YOURSELF a bit more and show your kids how to do that so they know how to one day do it for themselves………………. and the world could do with a few less ‘mummy’s boys’….:)

  5. Sathya Barelds Melanie Evans makes some really good points. I have to admit tho, she got my back up with “Please don’t mistake me as a feminist!” I hate how feminist is now a dirty word. Have you read anything by Caitlin Moran? Hilarious! And spot on. Cheryl Richardson I will google and read about another time and I need to do some work now! Haha. Lastly though, I think the mothers saying everything’s fine and perfect is utter cr*p. I try to be as open and honest about being a mother of two crazy boys and am generally seen as very honest and people applaud me, but sometimes it is easy and sometimes it is just pure amazing but it is the hardest thing I have ever done and will ever do. I have never had as much anger, guilt, tantrums, lows and highs in any other experience in my life. I think thats part of the journey though. Women are an interesting breed, we do the same thing in friendships and relationships and in the workplace, and even with ourselves, we are rarely 100% honest about our feelings, and if we were we would probably take more than 10 minutes a week just for us.
    17 hours ago · Like · 1

  6. Tina Lee Agree 100%,
    17 hours ago · Like

    Carol Bourne I uy
    14 hours ago via mobile · Like

  7. You know Sathya – they say men are competitive by nature but I think women are equally if not more competitive in many ways. I think we instinctively compete in all sorts of areas that we don’t even realise we’re doing. It’s SUCH a shame because we just make life so much more difficult than it ever needs to be. When women drop that and get honest though, they create a really beautiful and supportive net that is very powerful. Just doesn’t happen enough. I recognise women that have the ‘compete’ energy and I try to not get too close or involved as it’s just really ugly. I’ve heard friends talk about some of the competiting and unsupportive comments that go on in certain mother’s groups too and it makes me shudder.
    2 minutes ago · Like

  8. hey Amber

    hope you are well.

    Just wanted to say great article in The Advertiser yesterday on narcissists. I read the article you spoke of three years ago when I was searching for answers to my own confusion.

    It was such and awakening I felt like Melanie Tonia Evans had been following me around with a video camera as she was able to articulate in words what was happening in my life.

    Well done to you for expressing it so eloquently.

    Em xxx

  9. Hello Emma Jane, thank you so much for taking the time to write. I have been in a couple of relationships with narcissists but the first one was so confusing and so dangerous that I’m still to this day a bit scarred and I do ALOT of work to heal my wounds and the like, so you can imagine how intense the damage/lies/threats was. Clearly you’ve had a relationship like that too – isn’t it awful? And people just have NO idea that this is a specific type of man that is almost alien like. It’s like trying to communicate with someone that you will never ever understand. The article Melanie wrote is amazingly accurate and I wish more people would read it. Well, I hope more people like you did after reading my article. Take care.xx

  10. its all in “The Power of Choice”…just a brave little person breaking the silence on a life of fear, intimidation and violence. Yes its a scar in me that i feel will never heal however choosing survival over victim is my choice.

    I must say as much as we have suffered, its a blessing to have like-minded survivors like yourself to be able to relate to. xxx

  11. yes so true and I recently was able to help a friend who was sufferering from the treatment of one and just couldn’t get her head around it – desperately hoping they’d show some empathy. I had to be tough and say “it’s not coming, toughen up or die” She was actually very grateful and then got a bit teary realising how my wisdom on this had come from a really brutal time. But as you and I know, nearly everything’s a gift eventually.

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