When you’re single, and you’re not a huge dater, there’s a lot of things that can go horribly wrong when you start to spend time with someone new.

And before I share a few of my own slightly embarrassing moments, I’d like to point out that I am not alone, according to my close friend Lisa. One ally is enough for me.

So, when you’re used to living alone, and your friends know you quite well, they don’t see certain things in your home as particularly odd, cause they’re used to it. And so are you.

If I was dating with more frequency than say for instance, Christmas, I’d have the place ‘date proof’, because I would have learnt from my mistakes. I would be aware that simple little things like let’s say, books, might not always do you justice if they’re in eyeshot of your guest.

For example, what does a new man in my friend’s life think, when she realises after their date that the books on her shelf, include such titles as ‘You Can Heal Your Life’, ‘The Body is the Barometer To The Soul’, ‘Molecules of Emotion’, ‘Signs from Above’, and ‘Only Love Is Real’?

Probably the same as the guy that recently noted I had an interesting mix of literature stacked above my bed. ‘Practical Guide To The Inner Child’, ‘The Eleven Eternal Principles’, ‘You Are Clairvoyant’, ‘The Happiness Trap’, and ‘Enjoy Emotional Freedom’.

Right so if they haven’t presumed, rightly or wrongly, that you’re perhaps reasonably flat chat in regards to ‘discovering yourself’ and or ‘finding yourself’, then they may jump to the conclusion that you’re taking life just a tad too seriously. Cause all they see are the titles. Don’t judge a book by its cover is all we ask.  Although, I’m a little confused as to that saying being on our side or not?

See these new ‘friends’ don’t know that Lisa and I can be fun. They don’t know that we laugh a lot at dumb things. They’re not there, so they don’t know that we’re not using that whole hour on the phone to workshop the meaning of life. And we spoke only briefly about how she might have to break up with her acupuncturist because he’s getting a bit weird.

I mean, realistically, if he’s going to run at the mere sight of a few self help books, then is he really that great a guy? But, I guess, it might be a tiny bit alarming when ‘said guy’ stumbles across Lisa’s ‘vision board’. She’s forgotten to pop that one away. He doesn’t even have to know what a ‘vision board’ is, he can see all the pictures she’s cut out and decorated it with.

Pictures of engagement rings, couples walking along holding hands and looking in love. I’m sure he’s getting the gist. Not quite the ‘gist’ she wanted him to see. Certainly not on date number three.

Was it clever of me to pull a picture out of Vanity Fair of Paul Newman, stick it in my kitchen, held up by hot pink, love heart post it notes, with ‘Soul mate’ written on it???  Maybe not.  I understand that having a photo of a famous dead guy was a little unusual for my ‘said guy’ to see.

“So what’s with this?” he nervously asks. As I look to see what he means, quick rush of blood to my face, and an instant sweat moustache, I shoot back “oh that, um….., he represents the type of man I want to meet.” Not the greatest response, but then where does one go in that moment anyway?

“Left your run a bit late if Paul Newman’s your Soul Mate, ey?” Thanks for that smart ass. And then suddenly I realise that ‘said guy’ is an actor who is now possibly wondering if I’m some nutcase out fishing for one tick on my list. I’ll go out with him, ‘he acts’.

The lesson we have learned this week is, HIDE EVERYTHING.


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