END OF FOOTY SEASON VOMIT FESTIVAL

It took me about ten minutes of last weekend to realise why there is a very good reason why I’ve never dated a footy player.

Because I could never quite tear my mind away from the generalisation of what I saw these guys were about. And let me tell you, I’m not talking about the on field game. It’s their off field game I have an issue with.

Saturday night, did nothing to help diffuse this myth.

Having enjoyed a beautiful meal at Singapore House, my friend and I decided to head to a local pub for a couple of after dinner drinks. Two words that quickly sprang to mind. Not ideal….

First nightmare was that we walked into a bar that was literally teaming with morons that all seemed to be behaving as if they were in some B Grade American frat party movie, or extra’s in a bar scene from Porky’s.

However far from being marketed under the banner of ‘entertainment’, noting that at least B Grade movies have some sort of a lame storyline. This local scene was filled with a cast that had all clearly ‘lost the plot’.

End of Season footy celebrations. What a ray of sunshine they are?

If March is the best time to head out in Adelaide, right now, has got to be the worst. Of course it’s fine if you’re one of these pissed Brendon Fevola types.

And an absolute gem of a time an Alex Fevola type, decked out in a small piece of Lycra, jigging on the spot, hoping a hot centre half back notices you’re ‘up for it’.

Maybe he’ll even invite you last minute to the Best & Fairest, or whatever their big night is, and you can finally feel complete?

But if you’re not part of the End of Season loser club, then all you’ll get is 250 elbows in the back, 170 splashes of alcohol on various parts of your clothing that did not come from your glass, and a trip to the bathroom where you’ll feel like you’ve walked into a packed sauna full of girls, all screaming so loud it feels like someone’s stabbing you in the ear with an ice pick.

I get I’m not in the age bracket that should be, nor wants to be partying with the pissed 20’s posse, but if I choose to go out for a drink as an adult, should I be subjected to obnoxious binge drinkers that can’t respect another’s personal space?

We did try a number of different pubs in a quest to avoid the binge drinking dregs but it wasn’t easy.

I do totally understand that the boys have been semi disciplined for much of the year, or just excited to do the group beer bond thing, but there’s having a good night, then there’s getting dangerously smashed.

And then it seems like all the female footy moths, are all ramping up the drinking pace just to fit in with the boys, but what for?

Not only that, but they trot out the door with dresses that barely cover their crotches, and go stomping around town in shoes that would be like falling from a ten story building if they tripped up. Or sidelined by injury for a good couple of months.

So what is it exactly are these girls celebrating? That the odds of meeting a bloke that won’t have a hope of remembering they’re name the next day is possibly on the cards?

I know I’m sounding like a total party pooper but you realise the culture we have in Australia when it comes to drinking is really out of control.

When there’s at least two cubicles per toilet break that are taken up with girls that are so drunk they’re vomiting on themselves or being looked after by strangers that don’t even know their names, things are not looking good.

Now, if Tom Cruise had witnessed even a tenth of the behaviour I’d seen, he’d certainly be giving you all a firm “PUT YOUR MANNERS BACK IN.”

17 thoughts on “END OF FOOTY SEASON VOMIT FESTIVAL

  1. I met a footballer once. There was very little going on up top. Sure, it’s a good game and all but they’ve (not all of them) pretty much got fairy floss for brains outside of the arena.

    A complete aside – The Wheatsheaf at Thebarton is a great pub with no big screens, no pokies and no shite-for-brain foo’bawers. It’s my local and I love it.

    And No – that is not a pick up line.

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