BE HONEST, ARE YOU STRUGGLING AS A PARENT?

I’ve decided this week that I owe a huge apology to the Sex In the City 2 movie. You see, I was one of those people that saw it, and tore it to strips.

When I say I tore it to strips, I mean that I battled to throw a positive spin on it, because I felt like I was slagging a bunch of friends. I felt like after all ‘they’d’ done for me, I should be at least standing out the front of the cinema and shouting, “hey look over there, ‘free’ fabulous stuff!” Anything to prevent the word getting out that it was a ‘dud’.

As time wore on, and other women asked what my review was – I had to come clean. “I’m sorry Carrie, it was a dog’s dinner. I love you but it was as confusing, and pointless as the headband you wore to that gay wedding!” In short, it didn’t work.

I clutched to the one ‘gem’ I found in the film, and although it was brief, it glimmered in the rubble, and I now think, perhaps, it’s enough of a moment to heal any past wounds.

The scene in the bar between new mum’s Miranda and Charlotte, where Charlotte – after being so desperate for years to have a baby, admits to her fellow inebriated friend, that “motherhood is really, really hard.” And she sobs. And I’m not a mum yet, but I sobbed.

And I’ve nearly sobbed a lot lately, because I think my friends are at that age where the kids are past the fresh, new “look at my baby” stage, and the reality has kicked in.

This by no means, is about saying they’ve made a huge mistake, or they’d ever reverse things if they could, but it’s just that there’s stuff no one tells you about when you’re discussing having kids.

The world seems obsessed with celebrities talking about being mothers and only claiming it’s the ‘greatest joy’ in the world. And I’m sure a lot of the time it is, but does it make you a bad parent to confess sometimes “I’ve had a gutful”?

I’m not a mother, and therefore I’m picking up on the fact that I seem to be the friend, to my parent friends, that they feel safe admitting at times they can’t cope.

A friend said only yesterday to me that she felt that her other mother friends, only mention being tired and sometimes the kids are a handful, but she believes that most don’t like to admit, they’re not ‘mother of the year’.

I’m not saying that everyone out there is pretending to be just that, but are there a lot of you, a little scared that by admitting it’s ‘more tough, than you thought’, that you might be judged as less maternal than the rest?

I’ve had friends admit to me that they see their own mothers through completely different eyes now, because they understand what they were going through. All their energies had been spent on thinking about where their mum’s might have gone wrong, and how it affected them as a child.

I think women at times, can be the best of friends to each other, but often on certain terms. Perhaps terms that don’t make them look bad. And what’s bad about feeling that you’re overwhelmed, have lost a sense of your ‘old self,’ and need to occasionally vent?

All parents, not excluding you dads, are juggling the greatest challenge of your life, and with that, it’s bound to be just that. Challenging!

I battle at times to be there for my family and friends, take care of my puppy, and pursue my career goals, and although I’d probably like at least one child, I’m aware thanks to my friends, that it ain’t going to be no walk in the park.

And at times, I’ll cry for what I have right now. I hope to have an honest friend’s shoulder to cry on sometimes when I do.

2 thoughts on “BE HONEST, ARE YOU STRUGGLING AS A PARENT?

  1. Great post and a very good topic to choose!

    I’m a parent, and love the role, but I’m realistic with my friends. I found that the truth about the poo, colic, screaming for hours, and negatives (for lack of a better word) are sometimes the best advice you can give them.

    The rewards are entwined between the vegetable slurry they eat, but the bad stuff is around for the entire journey.

    Whether they’re five, or fifteen, they always present with new challenges.

    That is parenting; not dressing your babies in the latest fashions to show off, or glossing over the fact that you haven’t slept in 3 days, but that is the real stuff.

    I’m one of the honest ones.

    My friends are worth that much!

    x

  2. When people go into overwhelm or stress,their reaction goes into unconscious behaviour as a coping mechanism. Therefore,when parents get overwhelm they revert to what they know best and that is what they learn’t from their parents. Either way good or bad.
    If parents try to explain their values instead of placing their values on them, there is a chance of the children listening. Easier said, than done, I am experiencing that.
    Nevertheless,we as parents must learn the ability to listen to our children, they always seeking their parents attention. We have been created with two ears and one mouth.

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