A very sad week in Australia with the death of Jill Meagher. Some things to think about

I just wanted to comment on the death of the lovely Jill Meagher. Ohhhh, what to say? Where to start? Perhaps the first part of hearing that she’d been out, having drinks after work with friends. Which we all do. Apparently leaving a bar, refusing a friendly escort home? Which we’ve all done.

Thinking you’re wandering along a street, maybe slightly drunk, but not feeling that it was a really seedy area, so you’ll be ok? Which we’ve all felt. But we all got home.

We all woke up the next day perhaps questioning if it was really the best move to have gone that road alone? Should we have cared for ourselves a little more? We’ve all questioned such stuff.

No one EVER thinks they’ll become that person on the news that’s gone missing? Why would you? Few of us know anyone that has met that fate. And we do live in a country that is in our perception anyway, is not as bad as many others in terms of violence. In terms of genuine danger. Are we wrong?

And then we all, some of us, many of us…. get lead along the judgment path. “Oh it must be the husband.” Even before they go looking as they did in their flat, many us then jump to conclusions that maybe the husband knocked her off.

Staring intensely at his photo, searching for that intuition that he’s got a dark secret. Because sadly we know that often that has been the case, so we look to join familiar, morbid dots.

But this time… we….some of us, were wrong. We stared in the face of a stranger going through sheer hell, and wondered ‘are you a monster?’ When we should have stared and thought ‘my god, what must you be going through?’ A sad part of our human experience of wanting to be in control. And the control being what we’ve often seen so at least we feel like we might know.

There’s also a part of us that almost prays that perhaps she was an unhappy wife that chose a very cowardly plan of how to get out. A situation that feels better to judge as a questionable choice, rather than the worst-case scenario of this woman, this husband, this family, this related friend group, having NO choice. The last thing anyone wants to know is that one human, a stranger had the power to end all that was happening and hopeful to another person’s life. They had the power to shut it all down.

Because it could happen to us. To someone WE love. Some scumbag makes that choice…for us.

So today we woke to find that the latter was the case. That it was as simple and gruesome as this woman leaving a standard Friday night with friends, walking herself a short walk home, along a seemingly safe route, past a lit up shop, and meeting her murderer. The man that would end all dreams, her right to life and everything with her, for those that loved her.

Its kind of boogieman stuff. “Be careful darling walking on your own at night!” But don’t we just think that applies to taking lonely dark streets? Not lit up, busy streets? And even then?

Jill’s family is now grieving because the worst-case scenario has so quickly become true. Almost a situation that many others with loved ones that have disappeared would almost envy because perhaps they still don’t know their fate.

And for the rest of us, I hear on radio talk shows of bringing back the death penalty, like playing god will stop these rare atrocities from happening. It won’t. If you have murder and rape in your head, the fear of death is surely not going to stop you. Your demons have taken control. There’s hardly anything rational in taking another person’s life?

If we now fear that we aren’t safe anywhere, then we have chosen to rob ourselves of all parts of what’s generally good in the world. Yes as women we should be more careful with ourselves, and as such perhaps should take the gallant gesture of a man walking us home to be just what it is.

For men that have been shaken by this, I hope you realise that when you offer a safe passage home to a female you just leave it at that. For the reason we say no, is sometimes less out of wanting to prove independence, and more about ‘will he leave it at that?’ A tiny awkward moment is often what we’re avoiding.

(I mean that with no suggestion to the lovely man who asked to walk Jill home, who was apparently a friend. Just as a generalization to situations when a man and a woman who don’t know each other well, and he might offer to walk her home, is met with hesitation of new people not understanding each other’s purpose or boundaries)

The whole thing is tragic. And with tragedy always poses a time to reflect on how we view things and how we can improve attitudes to each other to keep us all safe.

29 thoughts on “A very sad week in Australia with the death of Jill Meagher. Some things to think about

  1. This was such a massive tragedy, it really threw us all out. I live in Melbourne and regularly spend nights out on Sydney Rd. Chatting with girlfriends earlier this week, we all admitted to thinking ‘that could have been me,’ because it’s true, we’ve all woken the following morning to realise we probably shouldn’t have walked alone. I think it’s a wake up call for all, women and men. Though we all have the right to walk the streets safely, the reality is that this doesn’t always happen. That said, we shouldn’t live in fear.

  2. I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about this utter tragedy and trying to understand it. But, predictably, I can’t so I am left with a feeling of upmost sympathy for the grieving husband and family who are left to pick up the pieces. And I have consider the alledged perpertrator of this horrible crime. What drove him to act in the way that he did – kniwing surely that he would be throwing his life away. A senseless, useless act thst has destroyed him too.

  3. I agree Kate the whole ‘it could have been me thing is still ringing in so many Melbourne women’s ears, and also I don’t believe Sydney Rd is a dangerous place – I do just think sometimes when there’s monsters roaming the streets it’s about being in the wrong place at the wrong time. I guess it just means that we have to take stock of where we can improve our decision making and that end of the night part of ‘I should let someone get me home, or safely into a cab’ etc. We all have a tendancy to be too independant at times and as women we need to trust that we’re not going to go rampaging back into the 1950’s if we accept the odd escort home. I don’t mean that as a reflection to Jill of course, Jill unfortunately was just another woman doing what we all are used to doing but because of her tragedy, we’re now forced to re-think it. And the same for blokes. I think this has hit alot of blokes really hard too. Stay safe x

  4. Message Body:
    Hi Amber,
    I am a 47 year old Adelaide woman who has, like so many of us, been rocked by the Jill Meagher tragedy.
    I am now pretty much past the point where I am out late but, again like so many of us, have spent a lot of time pondering the “What ifs” and “It could have been me”.
    I had an idea but I am not sure if it is a good one. I thought if someone could make a sticker with Jill’s picture on it and the words “Remembering Jill. Stay Safe.” it could be put into the ladies rooms of pubs/restaurants/clubs etc. If I had too much to drink or some sense that I was 10 ft tall and bullet proof this might just prompt me to take the safer option.
    I have no idea what the family would think of this but if it were me I think I would be happy if the memory of Jill saved even one woman from danger.
    What do you think? And if you think it would be a good idea how would one go about implementing it?
    Sincerely
    Helen Wheldrake

  5. I’m not sure why but this web site is loading very
    slow for me. Is anyone else having this issue or is it a issue on my end?
    I’ll check back later and see if the problem still exists.

  6. You actually make it appear so easy along with your presentation but I find this matter to
    be really something which I feel I’d never understand.
    It sort of feels too complicated and extremely broad for me.
    I’m looking ahead in your next publish, I’ll try to get
    the grasp of it!

  7. At this time it sounds like BlogEngine is the preferred blogging platform out there right now.
    (from what I’ve read) Is that what you’re using on your blog?

  8. What the heck i just read? The primary idea is to discuss with
    the physician previous to making use of this product. The extract of
    Green Coffee Beans is offered in the form of pills and products and asking a physician will give you you a clean idea of
    the fact will it fit your preferences or not. The product normally suits the needs of the men and women but exclusions are usually there.
    So, it is advisable to ensure that you aren’t normally the one which are unable to work
    with this solution. Another important thing is regarding the amount.
    You might want to question your doctor concerning the intake
    and be specific concerning this authentic Green Coffee Beans.

    WOW.Nice read here. The important step to exactly how this
    product gets results is that it is really a dual-action diet supplement, and therefore it works as an diet
    enhancing drug plus a “fat burner”. This definitely suggests that it oxidizes fat skin cells making use of anti-oxidants, and also results in
    extra vitality for yourself – although only if you
    know how to use authentic Green Coffee Beans in the proper
    manner.The majority of diet supplements on the market today are created all over reving
    up your metabolic rate, which is not really safe for some – and this
    is the reason why more and more decide to order Green Coffee Bean Extract instead.

  9. Do you mind if I quote a couple of your articles as long as I provide credit and sources back to your
    weblog? My website is in the exact same
    area of interest as yours and my visitors would truly benefit from some
    of the information you provide here. Please let me know if this
    alright with you. Thanks a lot!

  10. Please let me know if you’re looking for a writer for your weblog.
    You have some really good posts and I think I would be a good asset.
    If you ever want to take some of the load off, I’d love to write some articles for your
    blog in exchange for a link back to mine. Please send me an email if
    interested. Cheers!

    Also visit my web-site: kolikkopelit

  11. I’m impressed, I must say. Rarely do I come across a blog that’s both educative and
    entertaining, and without a doubt, you’ve hit the nail on the head.
    The problem is something which not enough people are speaking intelligently about.
    Now i’m very happy that I found this in my search for something concerning this.

    Review my website; sbobet

  12. magnificent points altogether, you just received a brand new reader.
    What could you recommend in regards to your submit that you simply
    made a few days in the past? Any positive?

    Here is my web site … sbobet

  13. Did not thought about this until now :)Garcinia
    Cambogia Extract inhibits the pancreatic from splitting down starch into maltose and
    dextrin. It also can stop the development of alpha-amylase enzymes in the overall body.
    Medical professionals usually advocate this to their people who are diabetic patients because the Garcinia
    Cambogia stops the development of alpha-glucosidase situated in the colon from switching disaccharides and starches into sugar and carbohydrates.

    Garcinia Cambogia benefits also reduces glucose and carbohydrate food from changing into undesired extra fat by ending
    the production of citrate lyase. Some health professionals use Garcinia as a laxative to help
    with constipation or other wellness reasons such as fat loss, a stress reliever, depressive disorders, mood swings
    and as a solution to acquiring a good night nap.

  14. Its like you read my thoughts! You appear to grasp so much approximately this, such as you wrote the e-book in it or something.
    I believe that you simply could do with a few p.c. to pressure the message house a little
    bit, however instead of that, this is wonderful blog.
    A fantastic read. I will definitely be back.

    Feel free to surf to my weblog – m88

  15. hello there and thank you for your info – I have certainly picked upp something
    new from right here. I did however expertise
    some technical issues uing this website, since I experienced
    tto reloa tthe site lots of times prrevious to I could get it to load
    properly. I hhad been wondering if your web hoxt is OK? Not
    that I’m complaining, bbut slow loading instances times will
    often affect your placement in google and can damage your high-quality score if advertising and marketing
    with Adwords. Anyway I am adding this RSS to my e-mail and could look
    out for uch more of your respective intriguing content.
    Make sure you update this again very soon.

    My web blog; สมัครสโบเบ็ต

  16. Wow, fantastic blog structure! How long have you been running a
    blog for? you make blogging look easy. The entire
    glance of your web site is wonderful, as well as the content!

Leave a Reply