Everyone seems to be talking Will’s at the moment. I know it can be a touchy subject at times, and one many of us are hesitant to address. I know most of you are confused by now, and yes, I too have been talking about the lovely Will’s, or Prince William that is, but that’s not what I’m talking about here.
A lady contacted me this week to express her distress at the fact that her beloved father who passed about a year ago, and had no Will, and as such, all his assets look like they’ll be going to his ex. Which she says, was his ex, before he died.
Terribly distressing to the children left behind that believe their father would be turning in his grave at the thought they’d go without.
But perhaps, not wanting to think of the ‘when I’m gone’ scenario, means those left behind are now left with the grief of putting their hand up, and the courts, will have to decide what is supposedly fair.
The awful side to grappling over a deceased assets is that is just prolongs the angst and grieving process when it should be laid to rest and their memory honored as such without it being part of some nasty legal tussle.
I love that my mother, to an almost obsessive extent likes to update her Will a couple of times a year. Every holiday she embarks on, involves her leaving the paperwork of all her travels so I can contact her when she’s gone, but also a fresh, handwritten Will in case she doesn’t return.
Not a fabulous piece of paper to be served as she waves goodbye, but I admire the fact that she would never want us to deal with the ugliness of who gets her stuff. There will never be any mystery about that one.
She’s also made it clear, even when in a long-term relationship that her partner at the time wouldn’t be getting a Guernsey on the assets front. No one could accuse him of ‘hanging in there’ for the Silverware.
In her mind, she’d gone without in many areas, so no one that hasn’t been on her entire journey through these times, should benefit. I liken it to all the hours I’ve spent, and the money with that, trying to improve myself as a person, and lose a bit of the baggage.
I joke when I meet that man of my dreams; I hope he’s ok when I slap him with the invoice for half the bill. After all, he’s landed in my life after the hard yards have been done, so shouldn’t he pay for the wonderful renovations?
And then, without knowing my family, which could sound a bit ‘off’ – in an almost ritual when visiting my late grandmother as kids, my brother and I would sit at her feet, and say “Nana, when you’re gone, who’s getting your ring?”
She’d happily say “well Amber darling, you’ll get my ring because you were our first girl, and Myles (my brother), you’ll get Nana’s beautiful Submissive Swan, which came all the way from Scotland.”
Obviously that wasn’t the extent of our time spent together, but even when she passed, because we all loved her so much, everyone wanted a memento to remember her by. To keep close at all times.
And there was more jewellery to divvy up, I think we all realized ‘thank god’ she’d allocated it out in her Will, rather than us make that decision when emotions were running very high.
I’d like to think that if I was of an age where I had enough to worry about leaving in a Will, and my partner and his kids were putting the heavies on about ‘what will they get’, I’d be a little wary.
Or then, perhaps my dad has got it right when he says “spend it now baby, because when I’m gone, 50% of zero, isn’t going to get you very far.”
Thanks Dad, all clear and “a dozen oysters, thanks sir”!
HAVE YOU HAD A BAD SITUATION WHEN A LOVED ONE HAS GONE?