Knife throwers, flatulence junkies and chewing gum where it shouldn't be. Welcome to online dating!

Those of you out there, lucky enough to have truly found that other person that you not only love but also really enjoy hanging out with, understandably might have forgotten what tricky terrain it is when you’re still on the hunt.

Or there’s those of you that are in relationships that have lost their spark, maybe even started to curdle and therefore you ignorantly believe being back out there in the oh so exciting world of singles, must be so much fun.

Let me give you the tip, you are wrong.

Although I am single, for some reason I kind of forget that it would be nice to fall in love again some day.  So for that, and many other reasons, it’s not bizarre I’m still flying solo.

However by default over this last weekend, all I have done is look at who’s around and what I have found, I must admit has been a quite the eye opener.

It all started when my friend from Sydney came to stay with me for the weekend.  There was, as there always is, a plan of attack for our time together and on the agenda for the Saturday night was to get frocked up and head to our favourite music venue to carry on like a couple of pork chops.   Job done.

What was also on the agenda as a matter of urgency was to discuss whether or not she should demand a post break up meeting with her ex who really broke her heart, with the view to getting a few of her lingering questions answered so she could move on.

Whilst chatting away I was starting to get a little worried about how we were going to mend her little heart so she could get back to being the fabulous sexy woman she is, until she mentioned that she was going to bite the bullet and join an online dating site.

Around lunchtime on the Sunday, as we lounged around nursing half a hangover, I piped up with the idea that we should have a poke around the dating site she was planning to join.

To our surprise, shallow girl alert here, there some half decent looking blokes on there which perked us up a bit and further in we delved.

What struck me was that if I had to herd them all up like cattle, I’d be putting them into two paddocks.  The honesty paddock and the they’re gonna love this paddock.

I mean whether it was the guy that said a standard Friday night for him was having a few drinks with friends, and/or changing a friend’s baby’s nappy, I don’t know.

Or whether it was the hairdresser who must cut every person in China’s hair,  or charges $10,000 a haircut, I’m pretty sure his stated earnings of $250,000-$500,000 might be a bit rich.

But there were loads of honest guys that went on about their love of throwing knives, and the fact that one morning one guy woke up with chewing gum in his pubic hair, which was lovely to know.

As was this enticing chap’s admission: ‘This is not secret when you get to know me, but I fart in front of anyone, and in most well ventilated places. I am carefree with my flatulence for several reasons.’  Ok, that’ll do.  C’mon boys, that’s not the version of honest we were looking for.

And then suddenly the screaming laughter came to a halt.  Now the next profile guy staring back at us was her ex.   Basically karma came and kicked us in our cynical little heads.

To say it wasn’t ideal may not do this scene justice.  Although his profile read by far the most normal of the lot, the fact he claimed to just love the work of Ernest Hemingway and a bunch of other famous authors she had never heard him talk of before, kind of confirmed that while it sounds better than the guy throwing knives, it’s still potentially just a lie designed to say ‘Hey, I’m a just thoughtful, well read, really nice guy’.

25 thoughts on “Knife throwers, flatulence junkies and chewing gum where it shouldn't be. Welcome to online dating!

  1. Luke Uthenwoldt Anyone who replies to this tonight probably has tried online dating.

    Much like meeting people out and about, weirdos, nice, strange, interesting. Everyone is different.
    8 minutes ago via mobile · Like

  2. I have used Oasis when I have travelled interstate to meet women.I do not expect anymore than to meet, shout them a meal or coffee, and if there is chemistry, then that’s a bonus. They also like to get out, especially if there are no strings.
    My recent trip to Sydney resulted in meeting a fabulous woman, and we instantly clicked, something we both were not expecting. I have since visited her again, and she will be here in Adelaide in a couple of weeks.
    I was operating offline, meaning I could see their profile, but they could not see mine. If I wanted to send them a message, I would then have to display my site.
    There have been many interesting encounters, the most popular deception is false age, out of date photo, and lying about their body shape.
    I have met many friends, and sex or a relationship is not the prime objective. Basically it is boring in Victor Harbor, where the only nightlife is Bingo at the Bowling Club.
    I have a very interesting life, and find I have no trouble in finding women. Online is so much more interesting than going to pubs!

    • Mark I’m so pleased to hear you met such a nice woman online and the your intentions as an online user are what one hopes would always be the case. I hope you have more good times with your new friend when she visits you in Adelaide. Thanks for stopping by my blog x

  3. Ulyana Michailov Awful. I snapped myself a psycho. Admittedly I was somewhat naive then and not cluey about the dangers of strangers but I’ve heard great success stories too! And it’s always good to try something new
    33 minutes ago via mobile · Like

  4. As a singles coach and matchmaker I am a fan of people trying everything they feel comfortable with. On-line dating is just another opportunity. That said, while we all know of on-line success stories, you need to be very discerning on-line. Please always remember to keep yourself safe. Meet always in a public place, make sure you have a friend know where and when you are meeting someone and get them to check in with you during the date or catch up. Never divulge your private details such as place of work or home address as stalkers are all over on-line dating sites. And Have no more than two emails back and forth before meeting face to face. In the US it is believed up to 52 % of on-line profiles are not even single, instead people desiring cyber flirtation or casual sex and I suspect it is no different in Australia. Watch for scammers looking to play on emotionally vulnerable people. They usually present by living OS and build s friendship, plan to come to Australia and at the last minute an emergency happens where they need your financial help. Bingo! They get your money. Sadly I have known several people stung this way.

    Other darling opportunities I am a huge fan of are dinner clubs and social clubs for single people like Social 8 in Adelaide that I run or Table for Six in other states. Easy ways to meet authentic people. Membership is screened to ensure you only meet the genuine ones!

    If you want dating tips and help, would love you to visit me website, http://www.janesloveshack.com.au. I hope this helps and wish you all great success finding love and happiness
    Jane

    • Hello Jane, I do love an expert stopping by to share their wisdom, thank you!!! Very very interesting stuff you’ve shared too. I do love the concept of your Social8 dinners. Thanks again my friend x

    • Yep I hear you Dean. It’s all too scary for me, but I’m glad others are having a good time with it. It’s just not for everyone I guess. Especially us shy, sensitive souls!!! hehhee.x

  5. Julieanne Leigh Rees One I met and had a few dates with,I thought was’ OK’ then took me for a drive thru the hills..we went thru a forest and he said” I could drive in there jewels and murder you” God I shit myself and all I could think of was Ivan milat…lol…we never went out again…I had to pretend to like him till I got home safe behind closed doors…Last internet dating I ever did!
    Saturday at 9:10pm · Like

  6. Amy Wright Its just like meeting someone at a pub or club….take your time and weed out the idiots! I’ve met some great like minded people and also some not great, be safe,be smart and be selective!
    Yesterday at 4:04am · Unlike · 1

  7. Hi Amber

    well done again .It is so hard to find people who are going to be honest about them selfs .Amber if u find some let me now or we can start a honest club going Adelaide .have a nice day keep up with good work .xxxoo

    • You know I think sometimes we’re a bit dishonest with parts of how we present to the world, perhaps out of fear of rejection or wanting to pretend we’re a certain way because that’s what we wish we could be. That part I understand as long as its not manipulative in its intent. Which is the down side of online dating because its too easy to treat strangers as mugs because you don’t have to care about or respect the feelings of someone that doesn’t truly exist to you until you’ve photic ally met them. There are of course lots of honest wonderful people doing online dating and there are lots of success stories. I know my friends agency in Adelaide really insists in integrity with their dating clients as it reflects on their reputation if someone presents themselves falsely or treats someone badly. The company is called Social8. Anyway love and finding the right partner is as far as I’m concerned not an easy task. Thankfully I have a lot to enjoy and distract me from thinking poor me where is he? But you never truly stop wishing he or she might turn up. I joke with friends that when I meet someone I really fall for my first words will be “where the hell have you been? You took your bloody time!!'” Haha. Lots of love to US. Xxx

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