Can women really have it all? How many times are females going to pose this to each other? And what does this question really mean anyway?

I get it’s essentially asking if we can have the career, the family and the partner? But beyond that, I’m at a loss.

What is it that these female editors and social commentators are really wanting to hear? ‘No, it’s not possible, I’m trying it but I admit I’ve bitten off more than I can chew?’

Or is it ‘Yes you absolutely can’, and therefore that’ll just instantaneously make it all rosy for the rest of the women out there trying to juggle the lot without stress or any guilt?

The fact is, there are a lot of women out there giving it their best by trying to satisfy the career part of them, the maternal part of them, and the romantic partner part of them. Are all parts working at all times? Probably not.

There are those that will say from the outside looking in that although these women have chosen to tackle having it all, a child may appear happy but could be a lot happier by having mum around more of the time. And that’s no doubt true too.

Most of my working mother friends will admit to having mother’s guilt about being away from the kids at certain times, and taking the financial reason for working out of the equation, they also admit that they need that stimulation and sense of self worth by continuing to work as well.

How many relationships simply aren’t the same once the kids come around, when you’re also trying to getting back into the work force after a certain period of time? What was just about the two of you and your respective careers is simply never going to be quite the same.

Whether or not you and your partner make it through the transition of just us, to the kids phase will depend on a lot of things, including your pre-existing emotional needs, and the level of care you place on protecting some part of the previous part of the two of you.

But for heavens sakes, the essence of what this question is about seems to me to be just so pointless.

At the end of the day, we’re all going to try and do what we feel we want to do in our hearts? We’re going to get down the track and arrive there with our partners or arrive on our own?

The children are going to grow up and either throw their upbringing in their parents faces claiming damage because mummy wasn’t always around. Or they’re going to grow up believing that mothers go to work and that’s just the way it is. No damage done. Who knows what you’ll get in the end?

But the thing is, I can’t help but suspect as can be a trait of some women, that although they appear to be supportive of each other by entering the debate, what they’re actually doing is judging them on how well they think the other is handling their lot.

I hate to say it but a lot of women can be by nature competitive and jealous of each other, which is usually because they are insecure about something to do with themselves.

It’s not constructive to keep going round and round in circles debating whether women can really have it all. Women are never going adopt the limiting lifestyle choices of decades ago. For some women they will decide to stay at home and direct their energies into their partners and raising the children.

Others are going divvy up their time and energy to fit in a career. Some parts of herself will suffer at times no matter whether she chooses option A or option B.

Can women really have it all is totally subjective. I look forward to when this little question finally goes out of fashion.



  1. Subject: You Rock

    Message Body:
    Hi Amber,

    Some years ago I wrote to you ( and my brother )regarding an article you wrote in the Advertiser regarding not needing babies to make your life complete, which you kindly responded to.

    Well, I’ve fianlly found out how to contact you as I don’t do Twitter or Facebook ( no, I’m not a stalker, just someone who values a realist )so I can comment on your articles.

    Without sounding like a sycophant, I love your writing style, you are open about your experiences, you don’t try to make it like everything in life is rosy or was easy for you and you have down to earth topics that most of us can relate to.

    It’s not often that you can relate to someone as much in the media as so many of them are trying to live up to an image, you are just being yourself, it is so refreshing.

    Keep up the good work, now that your column is online, I can read it every Wednesday on my Smartphone.

    All the Best,

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